One shot stories

I'm here - Billie Dean Howard

TW: slight mentation of selfharm 

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"Hey, hey (y/n) it's okay". I hear Billie whisper in my ear. 

I open my eyes fast, full of shock. 

She hold me thigh in her embrace. "It's okay, I'm here, your not alone, I'm here for you" she whisper in my ear. My breath was heavy and I sweat a bit. 

"Do you have a dream about it?" Billie ask me and stroke my hair. I shake my head a bit for 'yes' and she lean her forehead against mine head. 

"I'm sorry I don't wanted to wake you up" I whisper back at her, ashamed that I wake her again up in the middle of the night. "No it's alright baby, you don't have to be sorry. It''s alright go back to sleep, I'm here if you need me".

She lay back, still holding me in her arms. 

I placed my  head on her chest and listen to her heartbeat, who help me to calm down. I close my eyes again and feel her warm hand stroking my back.

----------------------(a few days later)

I was alone home because Billie was still on work. I sit on the bathroom floor with my back against the small closet under the sink. My arms wrapped around my knees and bring them up to my head. I lean my forehead against them and tears run down on my cheeks. I wish that Billie would be here. But at the same time I'm happy she is not. I hate to wake her up in the middle of the night or have to bother her with my problems. She always say that it's okay and that she is here for me and she will always with me and never let me alone. And I trust her, but I have ever the feeling that I annoy her, but she don't want to let me see it. 

I stand up and look into the mirror and see my red puffy eyes, filled with salty tears.

The thought that I annoy her and the thought from the other things in my life who make me feel this emptiness in me don't let me go. No matter what she say to me or what I try to stop feel so it does not work.

I take the box with the razor blades out of the closet under the sink. I open them and look at them. I don't know what is really in my head as I take one out.

Suddenly I heard the house door close and Billie walk into the bathroom. So that she know that I'm here. 

I look at her, with more tears in my eyes and then  back to  the razor blade in my hand. 

"Don't do it (y/n)" Billie say with her soft voice and stand now behind me and lay her hand on my hand where are the blade. "Lay them back,  you don't want to do this. It's okay I'm here now we can talk". Her other arm wrap around my waist from behind and the other lead my hand so that I take the blade back into the box. Her chin lay on my right shoulder and she take the box out of my hand and placed them on the sink in front of us. 

"Billie I'm so sorry. I-I have just the feeling to annoy you and- and", "you don't annoy me, don't think this" she place a kiss on the side of my head, still holding me against her body. I lay my head back against the crock of her neck and tears fall down on my cheeks. 

"We will solve this, and stop think that you annoy me. I love you and you should know this" 

I smile soft at her and she placed a few kisses on my head.