Stuck Between The Pages

Chapter Twelve

CHAPTER TWELVE: SPECIAL

Call me nerd today, call me boss tomorrow.
-Bilal Chaudhry

When I got back home after a long night it was Nell who I texted. She helps, she always does. And she told me there's not a lot to worry about.

So then we talked about some wack ass theory about the government being lizard people until we went to bed, which did pass the time but left quite a few questions of how many energy drinks she's had recently.

But when I woke up, that was the last thing I was concerned with.

I question how she likes me and that is not me saying that she doesn't like me, I'm not doubting her but her ability to love it's more like I'm second guessing my ability to be loved.

Because I can't really picture anyone having a loving me like how I have a love for Robin.

I can't picture someone thinking about me before they fall asleep or getting butterflies because I said their name or smiled or even just said "Hi." to them. I can't picture someone smiling at their phone when we're texting or wanting to call me at absurd times of the night when they had a weird dream or for no reason at all.

Why would they...why would they even do that -why would she do that?

I'm just me -nothing extraordinary. I'm normal and I know that I'm smart.

But not kind or special.

Just me.

Walking into my math class Tuesday morning felt oddly normal, like it was just another day of this endless AP bullshit.

Grinning before I even reached my seat, I nod at Robin who waves back at me, a flush spreading along her cheeks and taking over her freckles.

"Hey Nerd." I say, sitting next to her with practiced ease.

Robin wrinkles her nose at the way I drop my bag on the floor unceremoniously, but her blue eyes are bright with happiness as she lifts them back up to meet mine. "Hey Dummy."

"So," Tilting my head at her, I playfully poke her shoulder. "What'd you decided?"

I realized after talking more with Micah that I don't have to like Robin's decision to agree with it, that just moving past and staying her friend is just as good as starting a new kind of relationship with her.

Staying her and Nell's friend seems like a good enough option.

Especially if it's that or nothing.

"Are you ready for the truth?" Robin knocks on my head, but I catch her wrist and it makes her smile. "I don't know if your boneheaded self can handle it."

"Trust me, you little egghead, I can handle it." I poke her side in retaliation, making her squirm which does, in fact, make me smile too.

"Alright... do you um," Without me even doing anything, Robin flushes a bright red. "This is really hard, god. Um. Keagan?"

Grinning nervously, I raise an eyebrow. "Birdie?"

"Let's try, me and you. Think of it like a test run, like -like we're pretending but we're not? I want to try. Please. You and me. Together."

She is so red, it's adorable.

Half of me thinks this might be a joke for a split second before I remember that Robin's not like that and nod, unable to stop the mega-watt smile from breaking across my features as I point out, "Not pretending makes it entirely real, I hope you know that."