Stuck Between The Pages

Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE: OBSESSION

To really be a nerd, she'd decided, you had to prefer fictional worlds to the real one.
-Rainbow Rowell

Most times I feel like I'm just...there.

The people around me all go out and do things and get into relationships and have normal crushes and they have fun and do stupid things and get to be normal teenagers.

Instead of doing all that I'm just this mildly entertaining jock that people take an interest in once it's convenient for them but nobody would really care if my kind of guys went missing. I know I exist but I don't think I really mean anything.

Right now, that's exactly how I'm feeling.

I never realized how anxiety inducing it was before to keep a secret from someone who's smart enough to figure it out because before, any time I would leave a note it wasn't close to me. 

She wasn't close to me.

Robin wasn't sitting next to me, I couldn't see her reactions in person, I didn't have to act oblivious or lie but now that's changed.

But as I wrote-

Looking into your eyes
I can say with certainty how
Drowning never looked
More appealing

-my hands were shaking.

As I placed it in her book, tucked between the pages and under her bookmark, I had to look to make sure she wasn't back yet.

The nerd wouldn't miss me touching her stuff, she doesn't like me and is way too smart not to connect the dots.

And I definitely don't want her to even think it's me because I know that she'd probably jump the gun and think it's a dare or fake just because I'm a 'dumb jock with no emotions' as she so politely put it.

By the time she say down I was already busy finishing the homework and end up just writing in my notebook.

My life feels like I'm watching myself from above but I can't feel much. With Micah gone I have no friends left and with Robin acting the way she is, I feel like I lost a connection even though I know I never had one in the first place.

I'm not living, I'm just a douche bouncing from obsession to obsession trying to forget myself.

"Hey, Johnny Bravo." Robin's voice makes my eyebrows raise, my body instantly focusing on the way her body heat makes butterflies rise in my stomach but I continue to scribble on my page -pretending like I don't care. "Did you touch my book?"

"Don't worry, Velma." I tease her back, not caring at the slitted glare I get from those pale eyes. "I know touching a nerd's book counts as assisted suicide."

That wasn't a lie.

She seems to fume at this but I think that's cute, so sue me.

"I'm not Velma."

Giving her a small look before turning back to my notebook, I shrug. "And I'm not Johnny Bravo."

I can just tell that her freckled nose is wrinkled at me, making it hard for me not to grin. Still, she doesn't ignore me. "You don't have to look so smug."

"What would I look smug about, hmm? Is it something to do with your book? Can I see-"

Before I even get close to touching her book, I'm slapped away as she cradles it protectively into her chest. "Don't you dare!"