The Champagne Lovers

Eleven

NIALLS POV

"I love you"

Three little words, three insignificant words that on their own mean nothing but, when you whisper them as one phrase, one series of 8 insignificant letters they suddenly become something with so much weight, so much meaning that they can literally change your life.

I stood there stock still, watching the metal arena doors, still partially stunned by my own admission, the dark space of my favourite arena, surrounding me, enveloping me in a comforting embrace, as the realisation of what I had just said settled into my consciousness, the silence allowing me the time to try and make sense of every emotion that had suddenly flooded to the surface.

I hadn't intended on saying that I loved her, I wasn't even really sure that I'd known that I did until the words were tumbling over my lips, but seeing her today, seeing her ex husband treat her the way he did made something inside of me flip, a red ball of fiery energy swelling up inside of me spilling over into an uncontrollable need to protect her. 

I know that she didn't need me to, and I have no doubt that had I not turned up when I did, she would have dealt with Jack's presence, I've learnt over the years I've known her and especially the last few months that there's very little that she can't handle, the fact that she hadn't even mentioned that it was a possibility that she might have to deal with this today just confirms to me how strong and determined she is.

But at what cost?  How much additional pain, emotional turmoil and unnecessary stress and sadness would she have had to go through, and alone? No, I couldn't bear that, even the thought of her being that upset on her own makes me sick to my stomach so yes as hard as it was to see her like that, I am so thankful that I was there.

There had been something particularly special about the show tonight, stood on this stage which felt so much bigger an hour ago when the four of us stood together, the lights of production, the hum of the band and delicate melody of my guitar floating across the crowds of 10's of 1000's of fans, each of them staring up at us expectantly, each pair of eyes reflecting the lights back at us, creating the effect of a sea of sparkling waves or air filled with fireflies dancing around each other.  The whole show created an atmosphere that was fiercely palpable and fed my soul like no other performance had done so far on this tour.

Eventually the show had come to an end and we'd made our way off stage, our whoops and hollers drowned out by the thunderous roar of the crowd the four of us slapping each other on our backs, arms grabbed around shoulders in excited embraces, I could feel the combined joy of me and my brothers at that moment and it was something undeniable, and it was proof that we were all feeling that extra special buzz of the New York stage tonight.

That was until I glanced over to the heavy black curtain on the side of stage and I felt a strange rock fall in my stomach, an intense wave of disappointment when I saw that the little corner that Lizzie always tucked herself into when she was waiting for us to come off stage, where each of us would give her a celebratory hug or kiss, her face beaming with a huge sparkling smile, full of joy, excitement and pride, was empty.

The best night of the tour and she wasn't there.

I guess given everything that had happened between us and with her ex in the last 24 hours I understood why she wasn't there but that didn't help to quelle the feeling now swirling in my gut.  That small moment, that brief encounter when we would come off stage was one of the few moments I could physically interact with Lizzie outside the privacy of our hotel rooms and those few seconds were fast becoming some of my favourite moments of the tour.  I could wrap my adrenaline fuelled arms fully around her burying my face into her neck breathing in her sweet scent as I lifted her off the ground spinning her body, feeling her hands on the back of my shoulders or curled in the hair at the nape of my neck.  Some days she would lean into me, resting her lips in my hair softly, others she would wriggle complaining that I was too sweaty but she was always giggling, and it was the greatest most addictive heart warming sound, and the more I had my arms gripped around her the less I wanted to let her go.  No one batted an eyelid in that moment because everyone around us was hugging and congratulating each other on a great show, but that was our moment, just me and her.