Lets Play A Game - Sherlock Fanfiction [Sequel to IBIY]

Chapter fifty four - Brotherly compassion.

**Sherlock's POV.**

My heart was steady and calm, but my mind was all over the place. The room was warm, but I was cold. Was that possible? To feel warm yet cold at the same time? The life support machine beeped regularly but the noise just irritated me, the noise like a ticking time bomb. My tired eyes fixed on her pale skin. I was hunched over, my elbows on my knees and my hands beneath my chin in a prayer position, although I wasn't praying. Just thinking. Thinking about her laugh, her sarcasm. Thinking about what I would do if I lost her, thinking about revenge -- as I said, my mind was all over the place.

John and Mary had stayed here but John had to leave later on to see Amelia, and to tell Mrs Hudson what happened to Holland. Mary left a couple hours after John left to see Amelia too, and she told me to call her as soon as Holland wakes up but I doubt that would be any time soon.

I hear the door open, and I'm tempted to tell them to piss off, but I knew Holland would scold at me for being rude. 

"I'm not going to lie, but you look terrible." 

He pulls up a chair and sits next to me. It's quiet for a moment, because I don't respond to him. We both sit there and look at Holland as she sleeps, her chest raising and falling softly. It was as if she was sleeping peacefully, and it reminded me of when she was back in 221B. Back home. But her dry lips and pallor skin said differently.

Like, you know, she had got shot or something.

"What did the doctors say?"

I exhaled softly. "What do you want, Harrison?"

"Can't I visit my favourite brother and his beautiful girlfriend?"

"No, you can't. And I highly doubt I'm your favourite."

"Course you are."

"Mycroft welcomed you back with open arms. I wanted to punch you repeatedly in the face."

"Well, least it wasn't boring."

I broke into a small smile.

It went silent again, and we continued to look at Holland, hoping that she would wake up in any second but we knew she wouldn't. It was futile, but it didn't mean we had to give up hope. She would surely wake up, but not today. The doctors had said that she would make it, which I was over-joyed for, but I couldn't stand the fact that she was in hospital. She had gotten hurt. Harrison started to tap his foot on the floor, and I opened my mouth to tell him to stop it but he spoke first.

"I'm sorry."

"What for? There's a long list."

"For being a bloody disappointment to the whole family."

I don't respond. Instead, I sit and listen, waiting to hear more.

"But I need you to know. What happened, that wasn't my fault. I was framed. But it doesn't matter if you believe me or don't, because now you have killed someone. Which would make you no better than me."

"... I know."

"I was... In a bad place. But I swear to you, I never killed her."

A lump formed in my throat. "I know. I was angry, and I didn't want to believe anyone else had did it because It was easier knowing that justice had been served when you went to prison."

"I know."

I paused for a moment, and let the silence fill the air once more. My thoughts then shifted back to Holland, and I pushed the past to the back of my mind where it belonged. "... Do you think she'll ever be safe? You know, if she stays with me."

"You want me to answer honestly?"

That gave me my answer. Holland wouldn't be safe around me. Ever since I came back that day, when she was reluctant to let me in the apartment because John wouldn't allow it. When I first came into her life, that's when everything started to change. She got attacked by Dan, and kidnapped by his brother. The list literally goes on and doesn't end, and now -- now she had been shot. She could've died.

Maybe it's better if I just left. 

"Thank you." I let out, shifting on the chair I sat on.

"For what?" 

"For being honest. And you're not that bad of a brother. I could've been given worst."

"What, Mycroft?"

I let out a laugh, and we both sit there, chuckling for a moment at the stupid joke Harrison had made before we stopped. Harrison let out a breath, then shook his head slightly.

"I suppose you're not bad either."