This story is kind of triggering so whoever is triggered by ED, ADHD, body looks. Suiside Please be warned about when you read on. And above there is a song u can listen to while reading this. Many thanks Ari <3
This is a short paragraph and I would like improvement. I won't do a 2nd part to this short diary, many apologies to who think I will :)
Quick reminder: please eat and drink today! You really need it for you, even if its the littlest bit.
Love you and enjoy reading! <3
Dazzling into the night sky, I've always perished my loved ones, even the ones who didn't even love me back. I've always gave my best attention to the ones who needed it. Food to whoever wants it etc. I've always done things for you. But it was never enough...
From time to time, I've done to much. My friends would take advantage of me because I was overall too kind. My soul was 24 carot gold. 'A heart of an angel' my parents used to say.
Life gets worse, but you just need to let it go. From when your dragged to peices to when your bursting of excitement. Feelings can control your mind and it doesn't really end well.
I did everything. Everything for my friends. Everything for my family. Everything for strangers. Everyrhing for everyone! My heart of gold turned into a soul of desolation. I couldn't take it anymore. My anger would turn into jealousy, and everyone would just call me a bad person. Bullied me for god knows how when.
Since I've gotten skinnier everyone thought I was just going to the gym, over exercising. Little did they know I was starving myself, wanting myself to be a pretty model like all the other girls went. Soon I went from
199lbs to
176lbs
160lbs
Down and down it went. Because of society. I did everything I possibly could to be skinny again. Like a perfect model. Posing her dreams away. I was always called a
"Slut" for what I would wear
"Whore" for wearing "too" much makeup, I didn't even wear any.
"Fatty" for my weight.
And it broke me. I was holding on to a little thread with my dear life. I kept getting worse. Only having gum and water 24/7. Not going out of bed till 5pm for bathroom breaks. Not socialising, only talking to those in my head. My hallucinations. It went on for hours. Then those hours went into days.. then those days turned into weeks. Weeks into months. And it was endless. I've lost control. Lost control of myself and my feelings. I couldn't do it anymore.
I was always a good girl they would say. Dazzling my pretty eyes into the sunlight. Or giving gifts to people. Or even volunteering for something. For maybes charity when I was younger. I did all of this. All of it. For eventually nothing at all.
