Broken

Chapter 2

Work made Sam feel sick. It was as if being at work physically weakened him, making his head hurt, making him feel drowsy and irritable. He didn't know if it was having to be social--part of being a waiter was being casual and conversational--or if it was having to deal with rude customers, but something about his job made Sam feel physically ill whenever he worked.

It was worse today. He kept forgetting things--small things like what drinks a customer wanted or forgetting to prep the salads that a customer would order--but still, he was forgetting them, and Gregg noticed. Gregg always noticed anything wrong--he could spot a hair on your uniform from ten feet away. He would pounce on any opportunity to reprimand you, but, overall, he was a generally decent guy. Usually. Today though, Sam hated him.

Any time he would forget something Gregg would yell at him and tell him to pull his head out of his ass. It only made Sam more flustered, and he forgot more things--leaving entire meals behind, even going so far as to walk out of the kitchen without the tray he had just loaded with food, walking all the way to the table with his hands empty, and only then realizing what he had forgotten. He had disguised his mistake by awkwardly asking how their drinks were, which was met with even more awkward responses from the customers, before Sam ducked away and rushed off to grab their food.

After this mistake he focused as hard as he could on doing everything correctly, and succeeded in remembering basic things, but he came across as distant and detached to the customers, as he was constantly running through everything he was supposed to do as opposed to properly listening and responding to them.

His tips were bad that day.

After struggling through a five hour shift, he finally clocked out with only $28 in tips after a rather busy day. The anger he had been feeling...had it been yesterday when the man had shot himself? He couldn't recall, but the anger was definitely back, a broiling, raging mass in his stomach that kept trying to erupt any time he opened his mouth to speak. He was just getting ready to leave the store when Allie approached him, looking tired and concerned. She had gotten there earlier than him, but, because Sam needed to go for a doctor's appointment, they had clocked out together.

Though Sam liked Allie, he had been trying to avoid her recently, because it seemed like the only thing she wanted to talk about was him and his pills. He had reassured her multiple times that they were fine, and that he, by extension, was fine, but his lies didn't work on her. She didn't directly call him out on his fibs though, choosing instead to constantly press him on the subject, as if she were hoping he'd let something slip. He knew if this did happen, she would pounce on the opportunity, and would not leave him alone until she had figured out everything and forced him to discontinue the medication.

He was trying to figure out some way to get around her, but she was in front of the door he needed to leave from, as servers weren't supposed to leave through the front doors. Instead, they were supposed to leave from the back doors and walk through the back alley filled with trash that constantly stunk of urine, like some disgusting vermin that had to be hidden from the general public and disposed of privately.

Trapped, he waited for her to walk up to him. She did so with a smile, though her eyes were stern and piercing as she stared at him. He felt like she looked rather like a parent entertaining a child's lie before saying Do you really expect me to believe that bullshit?

"Hey Sam! Crazy day today, eh?" She said in a soft, welcoming voice.

"Yeah, definitely." Sam said simply, trying to meet her eyes but finding it very difficult to do so.

"So, are you feeling okay still? I heard Gregg yelling at you about forgetting stuff."

"Uh, yeah, I just forgot some drinks and stuff."

"Really? Because it sounded like you forgot a lot of stuff. Repeatedly. Today."

"You know Gregg, he tends to over exaggerate thing--"

Allie cut him off, still smiling that infuriating smile. "Memory loss is one of the severe side effects of the medicine you're on, Sam."

Sam didn't respond, still staring at the ground, feeling some surprise, a strange numbness, and, above all, that anger, thrashing around in his stomach, making him feel queasy and ill.

"Sam, I know you're lying. I'm sick of playing these games with you. You've been taking these pills for months," Had it really already been months? He felt like he had just started the medicine a few days ago, there was no way it had already been months... "and you look terrible. You have dark circles under your eyes, your skin is pale, you're distant and quiet, and--and--"

Sam risked a glance up at her, and was surprised to see that tears had started forming in her eyes, but this did nothing to quell the rage in his stomach.

"Sam, I'm so worried about you. I know you've always had issues and I know--I know I'm the one who pushed you to get some medicine for your depression, but this isn't right. You--you're so different now, and you're so clearly not well, you used to be so nice and funny and--and, just like, so bright, even when you were down, you'd always be optimistic, but now you're just reclusive and quiet and sullen. You look like a cancer patient, for god's sakes. And I know it's the medication. All of this began when you started taking those new meds, the Verifaxine stuff. I ju--"

"God damn it, won't you fucking shut up? I told you I was fine, so I'm fine! Stop berating me with fucking questions every time you get near me! Just leave me the fuck alone and mind your own god damn business!"

Allie looked as surprised as Sam felt. At first he wasn't even sure he had spoken, but then he realized what he had said and immediately started stammering apologizes. But it was t  o late. Allie's su  prised face filled w  th anger       d she rushed out of t   back do  rs. Sam ran a  ter her, calling apo   gies to her, but     had al    ady gotten into h  r car,   nd s          sp  edi       off. He st  od th         n the parki   g lot, star  ng off in th           ction she had dri   n, feeling ter  ble, co   sed, an   s    a     re        .   H                 t         int             is           ar                  d    ve t           o    spi   al     s       he          c       d       f    l         b            t               t                   r                                     k                                                           p.

                                                                                       ~