What Happens in Fairy Tales

Chapter 4

After that things fell into a pretty rhythmic pattern. I would wake up and go to school, see Ethan in school, ignore Ethan unless directly spoken to, reply to Ethan in one word sentences until he shut up, go home, repeat until Saturday, wake up on Saturday, go downstairs, say "Hi" to Ethan and Molly, hangout with Taryn, repeat until Monday, repeat the whole process.

It wasn't that I was mad at him anymore, I just lost connection with him. He and I just weren't the same. He was taking thing really slow with Molly until one night. I came home from Taryn's and Ethan was leaving. He stopped me and we chatted in the driveway.

"Hey Jess," he said.

"Hey," I said.

"So I've been meaning to talk to you," he said flatly.

"About?"

"Us."

"What about us?"

"We never hang out anymore."

"Because you're dating my sister," I said, "Ethan, you've changed since dating her. Can't you see that she doesn't care about you?"

"What the hell Jess!?" he screamed. "Why would she be dating me if she didn't care?!"

"Because she's Molly and Molly does whatever the hell she wants!" I said starting to cry. "She's probably only even interested because someone hotter hasn't come along!" I quickly clasped my hand over my mouth. He turned away so I couldn't see how hurt he was. But I still could. He was my best friend, I knew when he was crying.

"Ethan I'm so-" I said before he cut me off.

"You know what you're problem is Jess?" he said sharply. "You never let anything your sister does mean something! Anything associated with her is automatically bad! I loved you Jess."

"You never-"

"Yeah, I didn't say anything," he said. "I didn't say anything because I could tell you didn't love me. I thought that was somehow my fault, but now I know. Now I know that it's your fault. Because you;re just too goddamned jealous of everyone else that you can't see what's right in front of you! Anytime I tried to be there for you as more than a friend you pushed me away."

"Ethan I- I didn't know-"

"Do you remember the day you asked me why I always smiled?" He asked still angry

"Yes," I said.

"Here's the answer: You. You're the reason I was always happy. Which is also the answer to your last question: Why aren't I happy anymore? The answer is also: You. Now do you remember when I told you I was in love with Molly."

"Yes-Yes I do," I said. I was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Well, I lied. When I said 'I'm in love..' and you looked like I was killing a puppy I knew that I couldn't tell you that I was in love with you." We just looked at each other for a long time. The tears stung my cheeks but I couldn't help but cry.

"I- I.." I said quietly. Then he kissed me and whispered, "You really don't have to pity me." And then he walked away.

I collapsed onto the ground in the cold and pulled my knees in. I sobbed for what seemed like forever. How could I have just let the single greatest thing in my life just slip away. He loved me this whole time and I blew him off. When I finally got my sobs under control I whispered into the darkness "I love you too Ethan Hayes."

When I got inside I called him 49 times (two more than he had called me after our first fight) I got his machine every time and left a message every time. The last one sounded like this- "Ethan, it's me, please pick up. I need to talk to you. I love you. I do. I know that now. My problem was that I didn't love myself enough to admit it. I love you. I really do. Please call me back. Please-" I was interrupted by his voice on the other end of the phone.

"Jess," I heard his voice say through the phone

"Yes?"

"I need you to stop calling."

"But-"

"But nothing. Stop. You can't just call me up and fix this. You need to do some serious soul searching I mean seriously you didn't even know that you loved me until I said I loved you." I was silent I couldn't find words

"Jess?" he said. I remained silent. He hung up.