You and I? What a Lie

Childe P.O.V

"It was all part of a contract?" I asked looking at Zhongli, no, Rex Lapis in the eyes trying to keep my voice as steady as possible.

"That it was Childe," Zhongli said without so much as batting an eye. I clenched my fists until my knuckles turned white trying to keep my true feelings about the sudden revelation from showing on my face.

"So I was just a pawn in your sick little game? How much of our interactions was an act?" I asked in a bitter tone. Zhongli's eyes widened in surprise as though he never expected such questions before opening his mouth to speak.

"Don't be such a baby Tartaglia," Signora said with a mocking smile on her face cutting off Zhongli before he could speak, "Did you really think the Tarista thought you capable of stealing a Gnosis? Now if you're done whining get out. There are still a few more things that need to be gone over". 

"Whatever," I huffed before calmly walking out of the room and closing the door behind me. Once out of their sight I ran. I ran as fast as possible through the bank and streets of Liyue to my current apartment. Once inside I hit my back against the door and slid down to the ground allowing my emotions to run free. Tears began to slide down my face as sobs violently shook my body. "How the hell could I have been so stupid?" I asked no one in particular, voice trembling. "Of course, we were nothing more than a lie. After all, who could love a monster such as myself?" I laughed bitterly as more tears fell from my face.  "How much of our so-called love was real if any of it was?"

We would often stay up late into the night laying in the plains watching the stars while we talked about pretty much anything including ourselves and our lives for hours on end just to bask in each other's presence.

I think of the night in the park, it was getting dark
And we stayed up for hours

Did he even enjoy my presence or me talking about myself? Of course, he didn't, other than my little sibling's no one enjoyed my company and even they get  bored of me quickly.  He probably just found entertainment in the misfortunes of my life after all he always became more intimate after hearing them. Probably to make me feel more comfortable in opening up to him so he doesn't lose his source of entertainment.

What a lie, what a lie, what a lie

What about all the times we were physically intimate? He would often hold me as though I were the most valuable thing in the world and whisper sweet nothings and praises in my ear. He would say that I was the most precious thing to him and that he wished to be with me forever. He was gentle and often complimented all of the physical insecurities I told him about.

You clinged to my body like you wanted it forever

How many of the things he said to me during those times were true? How many were lies? Was I just a piece of Ass to him? Were Zhongli's whispers only meant to placate him? Were Zhongli's praises only to keep him in the man's bed? Was Zhongli's gentleness a rouse in order to keep him from backing out of fear? Were the compliments just for him to lower his guard towards the man? Was Zhongli's way of holding him just to make him feel as though Zhongli genuinely loved him so he could get what he wanted?

What a lie, what a lie, what a lie

What about all their dates? Were those excuses for Zhongli to use him as well? If so, what were the occasional gifts for? Shakily I stood up using the door for support and made my way to my bedroom. Opening the drawer of my bedside table I pulled out a box containing the first gift Zhongli had ever given me. Opening the box I pulled out a pair of Dragon and Phenix-covered chopsticks. I clutched them against my chest and began to sob harder. As much as I wish it weren't true I knew myself better than to believe my thoughts were totally lies. Why did I get attached? Why did I have to fall in love?

What reason was there for me to remain? My coworkers and subordinates hate me, my Goddess sees me as incapable, and the love of my life probably doesn't even care about me much less love me back. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if I just disappeared? I sighed and set down the chopsticks. Just like I knew that Zhongli didn't truly love me and lied about everything I knew that offing myself wouldn't do anyone any good though that didn't mean I Wouldn't try. As my tears began to stop I collapsed onto my bed exhausted from today's events. It sucks that the chopstick wasn't that sharp killing myself with them would have probably been poetic justice or something. Summoning a dagger made from the water I sat up once more and held it above my heart. Just as I was about to strike there was a knock at the door.