She Hides Behind a Smile

Emptiness

Natalie laid unconscious for a few hours in the couch of Wendell's bedroom. When she finally woke up, she was expecting to be tied up, gagged, beaten and used. That's what she had gotten used to. Yet instead, she had a clean change of clothes on, there was ice on her bruises, and a heating pack on her stomach where she had been cut since she was bruised badly.

Natalie groaned softly as she sat up, and she looked around his room. Wendell was sitting on his bed, doing homework. Once he heard the faint groans from Natalie, he stood up and made his way over to her. She flinched gently as he reached out and touched her bruised face, and he examined her a bit before pulling his hand away and sitting down beside her.

"How do you feel babe?" He asked calmly.

"Fine-"

He quickly cut her off. "The truth. Don't... say what you think I want to hear. Tell me what's hurting and how you feel inside. Please."

Natalie stared blankly at him with her darkened eyes. She wanted to cry, sob, scream and hit at him, but her body wouldn't move or allow her to do anything. She wanted to express herself, but all her emotions suddenly drained themselves away.

"Dead."

Wendell looked at her with a confused and shocked expression.

"Dead?.. Why do you say that?" Wendell asked.

"That's what I should be.. at least. I don't feel anything... I'm just a walking corpse that reacts to being hit or touched." Natalie said and shrugged gently.

She scooted away a bit, and she put her hands in her lap just in case he decided to slap her. Wendell sighed deeply, and he pat her thigh.

"I guess that's only understandable.. considering everything that's happened. I didn't believe you were being raped..and I ended up raping you myself and hurting you just as bad as he did. And... I know he's the one that stabbed you. He didn't tell me, but I just know that he did it... and I'm so sorry I didn't help you. I've... I don't know. I love you so much, and I hate myself-"

"It's fine." Natalie said blankly with tears running down her cheeks.

"B-But..-"

"I said it's fine Wendell.. it's my fault anyways. Not yours."

Natalie smiled sadly at him, then she looked back down at her lap with a hefty sigh leaving her thin,cracked lips. Wendell started to fell tears well up in his eyes. The only person he wanted to give his heart to, he had ripped hers out and broken it beyond repair. Seeing her broken the way he was broke him. He felt sick with himself and Edward.

"I should get home before I get in trouble. I'll see you around Wendell." Natalie said as she stood up.

Wendell gently grabbed her hand. "No it's okay.. he's out of town so I told him to let you spend time with me. I didn't want you to be left with some stranger or any of his..friends. I hope that's okay with you Natalie..."

Natalie nodded gently. "That's perfectly fine Wendell. Also, where's the bathroom?"

Wendell pointed to the bathroom in the hallway, and he opened the door for her. Natalie nodded and went in alone, and she closed the door behind herself before locking it. She stared at herself in the mirror, looking at her empty doll like eyes and bruised face. She smiled, then she started to cry as she balled up her fists tightly. Natalie looked around the bathroom before finding a small razor, and she sat on the toilet.

She held it there for a few seconds before dragging it across her left wrist, and a deep sigh left her as she felt the slight stinging pain. The deep red blood trickled from the small wound, and she began dragging the blade across her arm over and over again. Once she finished, she had cut to the middle of her arm, and she smiled at the work she had done to herself. Natalie cleaned herself and stuffed the blade into her bra, and she pulled her sleeves down over her arms once it stopped bleeding badly.

After doing all of this, Natalie walked back to Wendell's room and she sat down on the couch. She didn't say anything, just laid down on her side and closed her empty eyes. They were like a deep void, completely erased from having any emotion other than pain and fear which had been instilled into her, and self hate along with guilt.

Wendell sighed sadly as he watched her, and he laid on his side starting to cry silently into his pillow. He couldn't take what he had done to her, it made him feel like the scum of the earth. I mean, it's not like he hadn't joined them anyways but-

After a few minutes, Natalie drifted off to sleep. Well, more of passed out due to the blood loss. She was shivering and pale, and she was cold to the touch slightly. Wendell put a blanket over her, and he went downstairs to make something to eat for them both. When he had changed her clothes, he saw how malnourished and badly beaten she was. His stomach ached with pain each time he thought about the sight of her body again.

Wendell sighed to himself as he sat down at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of soup. He listened to the silence of the house, feeling how empty it was without Natalie's sweet and kind personality. He felt what she meant now. It was dead without her. All he ever wanted was to feel joy with her, but now he could feel nothing at all, and neither could she.

It would be a long road ahead if he wanted to fix her. He wasn't sure if he would even be able to do something so impossible. But then again, if she was able to live with being beaten for so long and smile, maybe he could get her at least smile again. Just that would be enough for him. After all, he had to repay his sins to her somehow.