Window into my mind

REASON?

I wipe my tears because I don't deserve to cry.
I pick myself back up because I don't have a reason to feel this way.
I bottle things up because I can't explain why I'm always like this.
I stop myself from crying because I don't know or have a reason to feel this pain.
To feel like I'm suffocating.
As if I'm drown in an empty ocean.
I don't deserve to end it all and just die because I don't have a valid enough reason. A reason to all the pain and suffering I'm feeling on the inside. But yet I feel it with me that I don't deserve this life I have been giving. Because far more worth wild people are dying and suffering but yet I'm still here. I don't deserve to live to this age or anymore but those people do. Someone who has been through worse deserves everything that I have but selfishly don't deserve. I cry and feel anger, pain, worthlessness but all for what? For what do I feel this way for?

All I'm asking is a reason?
(187 words)