Grade school and I already knew what I feel for you but you? You're always unsure of us.
We were best friends since we were kids. Everyone always tease us na we look cute together. Since then, I already knew na I want a future with you. As a 12 year old kid, I am so sure of you.
We literally did every firsts of our lives together except the sensual things. I was happy na I'm able to do all that because you told me to. I was a coward, alam na alam mo yan. Di ko kayang magtake ng risk kaya I won't do it if it will just harm other people —but you saw something in me. You saw how brave I am. You saw na I can conquer anything I want to. You told me to take a leap of faith so I did.
But the leap I did shocked you. Di ka pala handa. Ikaw pala yung hindi handa. Ako pa pala yung mas handa for that.
You rejected me way back on my 14th birthday because you told me we're too young for such thing. I respected that. I still told you na I love you even if it hurts. Birthday ko pero doble doble yung sakit na naramdaman ko.
Life must go on sabi nga nila. You moved on. Parang walang nangyari. We're back on our normal lives. Or baka ikaw lang ang bumalik because ever since I realized my feelings for you, di na nawala sa akin yun even tho you rejected me. Tinago ko na lang para sa ikabubuti ng lahat.
"Ferds..." you said as we were walking down the hallway at school.
I looked at you while fixing your lunch bag in my shoulder.
"I wanna tell you something sana," and you smiled.
"Hmmm. What is it, Bel?"
"Basta mamaya after school, you'll know okay? Let's go na, I'm hungry na."
Interesting.
I've been dreading for the day to be over. Natatakot but na-eexcite rin ako sa sasabihin ni Isabel.
And the time has come.
I'm sitting in a bench sa waiting shed near the school.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
And the count continues. What took her so long at this time?
I was busy looking at my phone kasi I'm contemplating if I will call her na but someone nudged me at the back.
I looked back.
It's Isabel.
I smiled as she seems to be very happy.
"Saya mo ah." I laughed.
Contagious talaga yung happiness niya kasi nagraradiate talaga sa environment that we have.
She looked at me in the eyes.
"Ferds, meet Van. Van this is Ferds my bestfriend."
She stepped aside and I saw a boy standing next to her now. Wow.
I smiled. I knew from then that there's something special going on between them. I know Isabel, hindi niya ipapakikala sa akin kung wala lang —kung simpleng kaibigan lang din.
"Oh. Hi." I smiled.
Lord, ang sakit naman. Ilang linggo pa lang eh. We're too young she said but she's opening up to someone.
Olats pala ako.
Life must continue. For months, I'm the dakilang third wheel nila. Minsan nga di ko na maintindihan nararamdaman ko. Minsan masaya pero madalas masakit.
