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(Just for imagination) The world closed in on me as the door swung shut behind her. Closed in - the walls disappeared into the black. My body went numb.
She was gone.
Everything I’d worked to keep secret was out, the walls were broken. In my mind, I saw her running out to the road, sticking out her thumb. Catching a ride to the police station. They would come, they would knock down the door. What would they find?
As if underwater, I went to the bedroom. Pulled the armchair around to the foot of the bed. Untied the rope from the bedposts.
The rope, useless. I would never tie her up again. Useless, useless, except for one thing. My hands moved automatically, looped the rope around itself. The knot tied itself, it seemed, and before I knew it the noose was finished, hanging limply from my hand.
Still in the bedroom, the rope slung over the high rafter, scraped the wood as I pulled it tight. Tied snug against the foot of the bed. The chair under my feet held steady, although my hands shook.
Me? I felt nothing. It wasn’t me who took the noose and draped it around my neck. Not my hands which tightened the knot fast. The rope scratched the skin at my collarbone, but the sensation came from a distance, not from my own nerve endings. I was watching myself commit suicide.
Before, in the tub, I’d held the knife to my skin and recoiled. Now, though, there was nothing for me to recoil from. Just an empty room.
I took my last breath and stepped forward into nothing.
Sara:
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(Just for imagination)
At the end of the driveway, I caught the motion sensor. The iron gate rattled open in front of me. I stared out at the curving road.
I didn’t want to leave.
So ridiculous. Insane. But there was something at the back of my mind, something that was nagging at me. I didn’t know what it was.
