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by giomalfoy_3

by giomalfoy_3

I put down my phone and tried to relax. Although her text did make me feel slightly better I still wasn't okay. I still felt disgusting in my own body. I got up and slowly made my way to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and saw my red puffy eyes. I turned around and headed to my bedroom. I grabbed my crafting bucket out from the closet and opened it up. I pulled out the x-acto knife. I set down the bucket and headed back into the bathroom. I opened up the little app on my phone. I clicked the reset button on my mental health goals. Then I cut. Once, twice, a total of 12 times. Cuts up and down my arms. I showed no emotion. Although though my emotions were drained the contents of my stomach were not. I was so disgusted I was going to throw up. I sat next to the toilet the rest of the night throwing up whatever I could from my stomach. I eventually fell asleep.

---------------------------------------------------

Saturday came and went by in a blur. I sat on my couch all day. I found one of my old sweatshirts to wear to cover up the scars. I knew that I wasn't expecting anyone but Lexi liked to randomly show up at the house and I really don't want to have another talk with her. I ended up falling asleep pretty early even though I woke up a million times since then. When I finally got up Sunday morning I saw that my under eye bags were so bad and you could still see the puffiness in my eyes.

I finally decided to get ready because Lexi would be here in an hour to pick me up. I really didn't want to go but I sucked it up. This is for Lexi. I put on a t-shirt that was way too big for me and a pair of baggy jeans. I looked at my arms and realized how bad the scars were. I guess I was scratching it in the middle of the night like I used to do. I decided to put on a sweatshirt and layer the t-shirt on top of it. I put my hair into a messy bun. It was then that I realized that I hadn't showered since Thursday. I looked at myself in the mirror with disgust. I needed to shower.

I took a quick shower tried to get my natural waves to look somewhat decent with some curling cream. I ended up giving up when the two sides of my hair weren't evenly curled and put my hair back into a messy bun after getting my clothes back on. I sprayed some perfume to finish and heard a knock at the door before I heard it open. Lexi walked into the house and stood still.

I followed her eyes as they roamed around the messy house. She just shook her head sadly. "You know you can always give me a call and I will help you clean up?" She said sincerely. I went to say something but she continued, "I know that you say you can handle it yourself but you can't live in this life forever. I will always be by your side even if that means coming over here every morning to help you get ready for work. I love you Jen you deserve better than this." She said. My eyes watered up with tears and I walked over to her and gave her a big hug and whispered a little 'thanks' before backing away to look at her.

"Let's get going." I told her wanting to get out of my apartment as fast as possible. We get into the car and she insists that she drives. I noticed the difference in our outfits. She was wearing a pair of shorts and a cute tee. I thought she wouldn't notice how warmly dressed I am until I started fidgeting with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

"Why are you wearing long sleeves it's like a million degrees out?" She questioned. I thought about some sort of excuse to tell her. But nothing could come to mind fast enough.

"Because I was cold." Was all I could think of. She looked at me with a sad glare. She knew. She just shook her head. I noticed slight tears coming out of her eyes and instantly was filled with regret. Not regret of hurting myself, but regret of hurting her. I was glad she didn't mention it for the rest of the ride however she really didn't say anything for the rest of the ride except for a few, "we are almost there"'s and "it will be okay"'s.

When we finally arrived we noticed that there were hundreds of people here. This was going to be a long day. I looked over at Lexi and she gave me a small smile. "Lexi... I really hope I didn't ruin your day." I told her.

"No Jen, you didn't I promise you didn't. I just want you to be okay." She said and gave me a hug and we started walking towards the building. When we got inside we headed to the auditorium first. According to Lexi that's where they will be having fans ask questions. She was jumping with joy when we walked in and she quickly made her way over to our seats. We were right in front of the stage.

"How did you get tickets so close to the stage?" I asked her. She just shook her head and sent me a wink. We laughed it off and sat down and waited for everyone else to file in. When everyone was finally seated an announcement came on over the speakers saying that the cast would be out in 5 minutes.

When those five minutes were up we looked to the left of the stage to see them coming onto the stage. Everyone in the audience (besides me) was jumping and screaming and yelling. I look over at Lexi who is screaming at the top of her lungs. I just laugh and shake my head.

The cast all looked around before taking their seats. I swore I saw Tom Felton's eyes land on me but it could've been just a coincidence. They then gave a short introduction and then the audience starts their questions. They called each row individually to see if any of them have questions and I swore almost everyone got out to get in line when their row was called. I noticed that most of the questions that were asked were meant for Daniel and Tom.

Some questions were about the movies that they filmed and others were more personal. These people really don't know boundaries. When our row was called Lexi forced me up with her to get in line. I didn't have any questions but I had to go anyways. It was finally our turn when we get to the microphone and Lexi stands there not saying anything.

"Hello!" Tom said brightly. Lexi stood there saying nothing. I shook her a little but she still said nothing.

"Lexi" I whispered to her. She looked at me and whispered into my ear that she was too afraid to ask. I asked her what her question was and decided that I would ask it for her. I turned back to the cast and said, "Sorry she's a little star struck. Anyways she has an overall question for all of you. She wanted to know what your favorite part about meeting your fans is." I looked at her and gave her a small thumbs up before anyone responded.

"That's a good question. I think that we would all agree that our favorite part is seeing the smile on your faces because it makes us feel like we've made a change and we've made people happy." Tom answered. Everyone else shook their heads and there were a couple "aweee's" from the audience. I nodded and sent a small smile to him in which he returned it with a wink. Weird right. We head back to our seats and wait for the rest of the questions to be over before the signing.