Her Loving Addiction

𝐭𝐰𝐨.

* TW - The following chapter includes talk of addiction. It is something the main character does struggle with. I just wanted to warn you. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter. *

PEOPLE SAID ADDICTION WAS LIKE LIVING IN A CAGE, YOU HAVE NO WAY OUT. If anyone asked, I would say they weren't wrong. It was true and I knew it personally, seeing as I myself had an addiction. Addiction was a lake and I was drowning it with no escape. No bubbles showing I needed out, just a body floating and the water pushing it wherever the tide took it. That's what drugs do to you. The control every fiber, everything thing that defines us a human, and numbs you until you can't feel anything good every again.

To my parents my addiction was something to add to the list of embarrassment I already was. To me, my addiction was the only way I could numb myself from not feeling love. It wasn't something I was necessarily proud of.

The addiction I held was smoking or drinking, either drug helped with my craving of being loved. A drag of something strong was another chance of being loved blown away. I know what you might be thinking, if doing this is making them not love you more than why are you doing it? See, when I entered the age of the ripe nine years old, just like a snap of fingers I was entered into the world of what kids whose parents left them with the feeling of being unloved. It was the day my dear baby sister, Kaila, was born. It seemed to me something snapped in my parents to not love me anymore.

I had tried to get help multiple times from counselors to rehab facilities but each time I got out, it was like I stepped back into reality and started the whole cycle again. I tried to stop but I was messed up beyond a stage no one should be in the first place. I couldn't bare the pain of not having it, so I caved time and time again. By the fifth time, my parents stopped caring because they thought I was in a rebellious stage as some teens have. They couldn't see that they were the problem. Now don't get me wrong, I receive love and attention from other parts of my family but not my closest family members that being my older siblings and my parents. Most of the love I felt was from my aunt and uncle on my mom's side. It was weird that they seemed to love me as parents should, but I didn't like to question things like that because that led to hope and that led to being crushed like single hearts on Valentine's Day. It's like I had the plague or something as my immediate family never really congratulated me when I won the highest grade award in fifth grade or anything really for that matter, now that I think about it.

As I grew older, my mind reminded maybe I didn't deserve love from a physical person but needed to seek it somewhere else. That's when my addiction started. The inhale. The exhale of the smoke. The entire thing was to me like a love in the form of a thing. Yes, I know it can kill you. But I didn't have much to lose, and no I'm not doing this for attention. Some people have said I am but I'm not it's for my personal pleasure like sex is for some. It was the high, the chase, and the drag that got me through most days.

Now don't get me wrong I love a good orgasm or two. But to me it was as addicting to the high as it was smoking is for me.

As someone once told me, like a high, love doesn't last that long.

*unedited*

- AUTHOR'S NOTE -

Hey loves! Sorry for the late update and how short this chapter was. It wasn't until recently (meaning yesterday) that I found energy to actually write this chapter. So sorry if this chapter is bad. Anyways, until next chapter! <3