No Time to Die [H.S]

Roslyn

Play this song when you see ******************

This is my first chapter and I'm so happy yet nervous, Hope you enjoy :)

GABRIELLA

Sun

It's a warm feeling

Feeling the sun absorb into my soft skin, a slow smooth burn , but never enough to engulf me. Letting myself take in the warmth of the suns rays- feeling a small layer of sweat arise on my hairline and sticking the hairs in place.

I've been laying out on the marble pool side for around 2 hours now, I'm surprised I haven't been bothered by anyone for being out this long, yet again when was the last time someone has cared to check. It's the end of summer here in Mexico although considering it is always 90 degrees I can't really miss the sun while having it around. It always is here, well for obvious reasons. The tress gently sway with each cooling breeze that passes by, allowing the flowers natural scent roam around me and fill my senses. The colorful birds make up the rainbow in the trees , like woven ribbons  hanging on.

So here I am , laying by myself on a pool side with no one to converse with, it's gotten to the point where I feel like I've become accustomed to creating a reality in my head, coming up with as many fake scenarios that i can use to distract myself and fill a lonely void I'm feeling.

I could use these to fall asleep to later if I needed it too.

I hated this

The sense of loneliness , its a imprisonment. Keeping me in a straight jacket- unable to reach out for a sense of asylum in others.

I've only ever had one friend, god my best friend Sofia. She's a big fireball when it comes to her.

I mean quite literally she dressed up as a fireball bottle to prove to me that she is one. She's the only person I've ever learned to care for besides my family. If there's ever been anyone else that I've tried to maneuver into my life, they are long gone.

Most people lose friends because they weren't who they said to be  , they were just a fucking airhead for a friend or just because you lost touch. My reasoning was worse.

 The shit show of the cartel.

I know what I was born into, hatred, crime, blood.

The moment anyone who got remotely close to me found out the fact that was part of one of the most illegal drug laundering businesses in the world- they'd be centuries away in a heartbeat.

I don't blame them, because I'd do the same fucking thing if i were in their shoes.

One friend in particular didn't run immediately . In fact they stayed friends with me for months after finding out, he was nice i used t always call him when things go rough and he was there. Well he was there until i noticed $7300 had been charged on my credit card bill. It didn't take a scientist to figure out who it was. he was the only person who I had let use my card for small purchases like food or shoes but never nothing to that degree of expense.

My dad was furious when he found out, he hated the fact that someone who had met my dad and was like a brother- turned out to be using me for their financial benefit. A week after it happened i never heard back from him, and he never showed up at school anymore.

What makes me mad is the fact that once i finally thought i had met a friend who liked me for my personality- it completely  backfired and ended in the same cycle of how most friends come and go.

It was pathetic for me to think that I could've kept a friend by being me.

It was all the materialistic items that fucked me over. I mean yes I had the money, it's one of the many so called "benefits' ' that come with a cartel, I was more more drowned in loneliness than money to be fair. No amount of handbags and shoes could replace the emptiness I had in my life. My father is a very busy man, I don't even think he notices when I come into any spaces he's in.