Journal Entry : December 15th. Time: 20:58
I am so fucking sorry.
Although I'll never tell you that to your face, I will continue to live in agony and disgust with myself to prevent further damage. I know I love you, well at least I think I do. I wa...
Although I'll never tell you that to your face, I will continue to live in agony and disgust with myself to prevent further damage. I know I love you, well at least I think I do. I wasn't sure if you were the one. I didn't feel those sparks, I didn't feel giddy inside when you called me or when you texted me. Well, at first I did, oh lord I could've sworn that you would've been my wife, and then out of nowhere all the feelings I had for you left and were replaced by nothing.
I was numb, I didn't like you, I didn't love you, I didn't hate you, I didn't loathe you, I didn't feel anything towards you but annoyance, annoyance for you awakening these stupid ass fucking feelings and annoyance for them leaving out of nowhere and replacing the emptiness inside of me with pain and confusion once again.
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School, despite what some people say, I actually like this place. It serves as an escape, from my annoying ass neighbors, and especially from you and all your shit that you left in my room last time you were here. Its a break from all of your pictures that are hanging up on my wall, escape from your sweater and stuffed animal that lays on my bed, from your-
My thoughts were cut off as I watch her sit down in front of me with a big ass smile on her face. Her being my "girlfriend" of course. She reached over to me placing a kiss on my lips, I sat there. I didn't move, didn't do anything besides silently pray that this moment would quickly be over.
She leaned back into her seat and looked at the journal resting in front of me. She reached out for it and I quickly pulled it back towards me. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion before reaching out for it again. I shook my head violently and pulled it back even further. If she read this journal she would break her own heart.
"No" I told her. She looked at me furiously. It's one of the things I hated about her, she didn't know when to mind her goddamn business.
She stood up and roughly pried the book from my fingers before sitting down and looking at me smugly. I narrowed my eyes at her, watching as she began reading my thoughts. I watched as her eyes skimmed over the words on the coffee dyed paper, I watched as sadness flickered in her eyes, I watched as her hands trembled as her hand lightly traced the page, I watched as her tears fell staining my journal. I was annoyed at her, but I felt for her.
She looked up at me with tears swimming in her eyes, she stood up, gently placed my journal in front of me, and walked out of the library. I made no movements, I watched as she walked away, I watched as people turned towards her sobbing figure looking confused, I even watched as people turned towards me in attempts to piece together the situation.
I simply turned away from them, put my journal in my bag and followed her. Even though I felt nothing towards her, she still deserved an explanation, she still deserved to hear the truth coming from my mouth instead of reading it from a book.
Author's Note:
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An adorable pet pig to make you smile :)
Hello there my loveliest of friends :)
Word count: 821
Okay, I would like to start by saying that some of this book is inspired by my personal life but at the same time a large chunk of it isn't. I am currently struggling with trying to figure out if I am Aromantic or not and some of Lilith's feeling are mines. If wrote this book so that people who might possibly be in my situation can have a safe haven where they can be open about what they're feeling.
Also, If you are Aromantic and you feel like anything in this book is disrespectful please, please, please let me know and please let me know how so I can refrain from making mistakes like this in the future.
Last thing, please darlings, if you need somebody to talk to, somebody to just listen to you rant, or just somebody to be there, please do not hesitate to message me. Even if you really just need a friend, I do not care, you guys are extremely important to me and I want you to know that you can text me about anything <333.
That's all, have a nice day lovelies. Forehead kisses to all of you :)
