An Aromantics Point of View

Two

Lilith's Point of View:

7:57 AM

The will to live.

I do not have it. I have no motivation whatsoever.

I've been awake for 35 minutes now, just laying down staring at the ceiling making myself late to school. My alarm rang once again, I was tempted to hit the snooze button for the fourth time this morning, but I decided against it considering I was damn near 15 minutes late already. I pulled myself up from my bed and made my way to the bathroom.

I showered, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and got dressed. After I got dressed, I took my braids out from my bonnet and put them into a low ponytail with two braids out in the front.

I grabbed my bag from my desk chair, my journal, my phone and the book I was currently reading. It was called The Fault In Our Stars: it was heartbreaking, which was part of the reason why I bought it. I usually just read books on Wattpad but I've been super interested in physical books lately.

I grabbed my keys, turned on my alarm, and locked my front door.

I got into my car and headed to Dunkin' Donuts before school. I don't care how late I am, I need coffee. I would've went to Starbucks but it was closed for renovation. I pulled into the drive-through and thanked the Universe that it was empty.

I quickly ordered my coffee and made my way to school.

I parked my car and rubbed my temple to rid myself of my headache. I waited 5 minutes before I grabbed all my stuff and made my way to APUSH.

I lightly knocked on the door before coming into the class. I smiled lightly at my teacher and apologized for interrupting her class, before going to my seat. Eris was occupying the seat next to me, as I sat down she didn't even look at me. She was ignoring me, good, maybe I'll have a break to figure some shit out.

Figure out what to do with this relationship, figure out if I want to break up with her and possibly break her heart, figure out if I wanna wait it out and see if my feelings will straighten out eventually. Either way I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

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I sat in the cafeteria, at a table in the corner of the room writing in my journal.

Journal Entry : September 18th. Time: 13:23

I wanna be heartbroken. I want to experience the pain of falling in love and then having it ripped away from you painfully. Not just the pain part though, I wanna experience being so deeply in love, I want to experience a Lilah and Grey type of love, a Lavender and Carlos, a Daisy and Seth, a Topanga and Corey, a Sofia and Ace kind of love except I don't want to die in the end.

Anyways I want experience the type of love that's so intense that literally nothing can break you part, the love that is so strong that no matter the situation you end up coming back to each other.

But i don't really think i'm gonna get that any time soon, even though it's literally all I crave, even though I'm Aromantic, ironic right?

I want to experience a painfully perfect love and then have it ripped from me, so much so that I learn to stop craving love and accept that I won't ever get it. But then again I don't want to, I want to believe that a wattpad type relationship is out there somewhere, on its way to me, and that throughout all the hardships, we will always come back to each other no matter what. I want be heartbroken. I want to know that I am capable of falling in love so deeply , having such an amazing relationship that I can actually be heartbroken.