The Business Trip Part 2

The guilt

She turned her head and noticed it was Murat in front of her, holding both her hands as she continued to sob, until she crumpled to the ground, falling to her knees in front of him.

He held her while she found herself bawling her eyes out. Truth be told, he didn't know how to console her as he dealt with the grief of it all, himself, so he sat there with her on the hospital ground floor as she sobbed and his heart ached with grief and loss.

In between her weeping, she held Murat tighter before looking up at him and telling him, 'I couldn't do it, Murat, I couldn't do it, I don't know how I am going to manage. Nothing adds up or makes sense. But I couldn't do it."

As they sat there, in the middle of the lobby, holding and drawing strength from each other, time stood still, the murmurs in the corridors faded away, the cries of the sick, the sirens, the PA system announcements sounded like a faint lullaby, all that the two of them could hear was their own heartbeat and all they could feel was their own predicament. Not only was Murat relieved but also grateful for the divine intervention which had stopped Hayat from committing a horrible crime. As her sobs settled down to a whimper, he gently wiped her tears and stood her up, a little embarrassed by the spectacle she had made of herself, she pushed him away and started walking towards the exit, leaving Murat stumped once again. 'Hayat', he called out to her, "Where do you think you are going?'

'Home, I really need to put my life back into some perspective, I cannot go on like this, this is not only killing me but is causing more harm to my baby', 'Our baby', he intervened, she gave him a weary look and just started walking, He caught up with her, exasperated by her stubborn behaviour, he turned her around and asked, 'so, are you going to keep walking away from this problem like a child, or are we going to resolve this issue like mature beings?', 'There is nothing to resolve, Murat, this last month has made it quite clear to me what and who your priorities are. I have never felt this lonely and afraid even during the first few days of our marriage, because then, I was sure of my love, but now I don't really know what to make of it all, if it had to take Caglas wild advances towards you to wake you up from your dream, despite screaming my voice hoarse about her intentions, then there is very little to be said about our relationship."

"Hayat, I may have confused Caglas' eagerness to be a part of this project with her enthusiasm to further her career but make no mistake when I say that I never had any doubts about my love and loyalty towards you. I may have been played by Cagla this time but know this, I would have never fallen for her advances, if there is one thing I have always been sure of, then it is my unshakable love for you. There can never be anyone else for me but you, I may have not told you enough times what you mean to me and that this last one month my only focus was to make it big in the fashion world so that I could shower you with all the fine things in this world that you deserve and that I had promised you." ' And what was that promise Murat, what about the promise to trust and to stay together, for better or for worse, when did I ever tell you that I was not happy with what we had, that I was missing the riches and the high life? Did I ever complain, on the contrary, I was the happiest in our cosy little place, with you by my side, with our date nights and cooking experiments, at least we were together, we could have conquered everything had we just been together, but no, you had to entrust our happiness and lives in Caglas hands. And what did you achieve? Look where it has brought us, on the threshold of a breakup. All those crazy battles we fought together, with Emre, with Derya, came to naught. One call, one text, that is all I needed, some reassurance that you are still mine, but no, all I got was a credit card, like I was some tramp left with her payment. It's over Murat, I really dont have the energy to keep up with this pretense of a marriage."

The finality in her voice scared him, he was not prepared for this, he couldn't let her go, he wouldn't let her go! Life without Hayat would be a death sentence for him, she was very emotional and high strung right now, the stress of the last month was catching up to her, her hormones were all over the place, he knew she wouldn't listen to reason, he had to try some other tactic, their marriage couldnt be so weak that it could be rocked by someone as insignificant as Cagla. But what about his own role in fuelling the fire? He had been a jerk, his ego had led them to where they were, how could he forgive himself for putting her through all the pain in her delicate condition? But he couldn't give up, he had to undo the damage, he had to win her love and trust back.

"The baby is mine too, you know, I have an equal say in what happens to this baby, you can't deny me that, Hayat!' he blurted out holding on to the last link that connected them, the little life that was growing inside of her, that was the only leverage he had, that was the only voice of reason she would listen to." You know I can easily get custody of this baby from you, once it's born, as any court would agree, you are in no financial position to take care of this baby." He hated himself for what he had just said, her shocked face confirming his thoughts. " You would, now, wouldn't you?" Hayat whispered, " You would take my baby from me, won't you? You would separate an infant from his mother, just to prove your point?" "And isn't that exactly what you are doing, keeping me away from my child?" The futility of the argument hit both of them at the same time, a wave of dizziness washed over her and she held onto the wall next to her, waiting for it to pass. Murat cursed himself for putting her through this unnecessary stress. "Hayat, please could you listen to me for once, I am not going to take this baby away from you, I am just trying to buy myself time and make amends. I am guilty of everything, I agree I was wrong in judging you, wrong in doubting your concern about Caglas role in this project, wrong in not calling you and mixing our professional and personal lives. Please forgive me, I can't begin to tell you how mad I am at myself that I missed out on such an important event in my life, my baby, our baby, all the dreams we wove, waiting for this big day and to think I just left you in your tender condition to fly halfway across the world in pursuit of success when my most prized trophy was right under my nose." Seeing her sway a little, he pulled her in his arms and slowly walked her to the car. She tried to resist, pulling back but he was too strong for her and she was drained of all her energy and just dragged her feet alongside him. While settling her in the car, he notices the dark circles under her eyes, her gaunt cheekbones, she was pale, she was exhausted, first things first, he tells himself and then to her, "we have to get the color back into your face", he got in the car and drove out of the parking lot towards their house.

"No, I'm not going there Murat, take me to my house", she gathered enough strength to order him. Not wanting to upset her any further, he says, "That's where I'll take you after I pick up my things from our home, I'm moving in with you!"