Mono No Aware

Chapter Nine

Yuta hated the look on her face when he last saw her. But he needed to keep her safe or bad things might happen to her. Johnny warned him of this before but he didn't listen, the yearning to stay with her much bigger than the want to keep her safe. In contrast to what he did in the past.

Besides, it was him who killed her. All he wanted back then was to save the princess, to save her. In the end, it was him who brought her death.

Yuta is scared that it might happen again. Her safety is more important now. He should stop seeing her.

But the divine being had been playing jokes on him when it brought him to the hospital where she works. He saw how she stopped in her tracks then sighed upon seeing him. She's going to cry again. He's sure of that.

The moment the soul exited the emergency room, Yuta sighed and asked him to just follow him. He needed to finish his work early. Yuta handed him the drink and when the man's soul disappeared, he immediately drove his motorbike back to the hospital.

"Hi." he greeted the nurse in the lobby. "Have you seen Dr. Y/N?" The other nurses look at him in awe, some whispering that he's handsome and that he might be the doctor's boyfriend. One nurse claimed that he saw her going to the rooftop and he smiled, thanking him before heading to where he said she is.

He searched for her among the crowd until he reached a mini-garden and found her crouched down behind the flower bed, shoulders heaving up and down. She's crying. Hesitant, he reached for her hair. That silky hair that his fingers can remember. He thought the reason was that she is a princess but now he realized, it was because she's Y/N.

"Leave me alone, Doyoung." She whispered and Yuta felt betrayed. But then, he was the one who told her not to come near him. Why is he even here? Johnny will just get mad at him. "I hate how everyone dies and just leaves us."

"They don't." She stared at him in surprise, her eyes glistening because of the tears. She's so beautiful. "A pretty princess once told me that the stars are the souls of those who die." He wiped her tears with his thumb. "And that cherry blossoms are the blood of the dead. They never left us. They're always here with us."

Maybe she just needed someone to comfort her that her arms wrapped around him, crying in his embrace. Yuta was seated on the rooftop floor, the weeping girl in his arms. And he never wished to be somewhere else this moment. "You're doing so well, Y/N." He threaded his fingers on her hair, "You're doing your best. It's not your fault that they're dying, it's destiny." Yuta whispered. "I wish one day this will stop hurting you."

"I don't want to see you hurt, Y/N."

—-

The coffee shop looks different in dim light now that it's close and there are only the two of them inside. Yuta made her a macchiato and lemon cheesecake. She calls it the heavenly combination that made him chuckle at how cute she's being.

"Thank you for the hydrangeas." She said, rubbing the rim of her cup.

"Jungwoo said that it's better to give them. I'm glad Johnny delivered them well." She nodded at that. "Did he tell you something?"

Y/N took a bite of the lemon cake then drank her macchiato. "Some things." She whispered. He kept his gaze on her. Nothing changed. It's still her. The princess he fell in love with. The doctor who saved that boy and cried for the old lady she doesn't even know. Y/N who got hurt because of him. "I still have a lot of questions, though."

Yuta nodded. He's sure of that. He has a lot of questions himself. A light glance on the watch above the table and he nodded. "How did you become a grim reaper?"

He shrugged. "Johnny said it's a punishment for our sins. Because of the blood in our hands..."

"Does this mean I'll be a grim reaper when I die?" She asked innocently then stared at him. "Wait, did you die?" Again, Yuta shrugged. He isn't sure. He can't remember that. "You said something about a princess, do you remember your past life?"

He was startled. Should he let her know that she is that princess?

Instead, Yuta nodded. "A swordsman. I worked for the rebels and killed people, especially in the monarchy. I was tasked to kill the king..." His gaze fell on her who was just staring at him as well. Her eyes were glistening in the dim lights, the image of the princess appearing in his eyes. The princess he loved. "But I killed the girl I love."

A sharp gasp escaped her lips. "So it isn't really a dream?" Y/N said more to herself. "I saw you. The black robe, the riverbed, the white bracelet." Yuta's eyes widened in surprise. She knew? "You were holding me in your arms."

Why would she dream of that? Is she really the princess? Then why does she have to appear in front of him now? "Yuta, I think this is the reason why I can see you."

He gave her a confused look before she continued, "We're connected. And I think I'm the key for you to get out of this grim reaper business."

That was logical. The past and the present always have a connection and what she said makes sense. Is she truly his ticket to get out of this? What would happen to her if he forced that idea? This is the first time this happened in a long time he had been a grim reaper. It scared him and excited him at the same time. But how?

Instead of decreasing, his questions just got deeper confusing him.

—-

He leaned on his motorbike, watching his wristwatch turn bright red. A male soul. He wondered how old he is.

A soul, probably in his late forties, went outside the door smiling at him. He was all clad in black, "I was waiting for you, Mr. Grim Reaper." He was expecting him? Yuta's eyes gazed at the familiar wristwatch on his wrist. He's also a grim reaper? How?

The younger was wary at how to ask him things. How did he die? He's a grim reaper. "It might still be hard but you'll get out of it soon."

"How?"

"The connection of your past and present." So what Y/N said might be true. She might really be his ticket out of here. "The reason why you cheat your death to become a grim reaper." Cheat his death? The older man smiled. "We did bad things in the past but we didn't pay for it so the divine being is punishing us. We cheat death by killing ourselves."

He became a grim reaper because he killed himself? "Remember that the divine being only wants to protect you." He drank the coffee in front of him before smiling at him. "They're always watching you and your reason." Then he disappeared.

His head throb that instant, the same stinging pain as before. All he could see is a small light from the moon, illuminating a body in front of him. He touched his bracelet, tears falling to the white bead. "I'm sorry, Y/N." He whispered while removing the bracelet and placing it above her dead body.

"Please forgive me." Every word feels poison in his tongue. Raindrops started falling, hiding the tears in his eyes. "I'll see you soon," Yuta mumbled as his eyes gazed on the small bottle with dark liquid. "I love you, Y/N."

A coffee cup fell that snapped him back to his senses. The brewed coffee looking exactly like the poison he drank. Is that why he's offering coffee to souls?

He really did cheat his way in death. All because of her. His reason. Then Y/N is indeed his ticket out of here.