A World Without You (ON HOLD)

Pain and perfection

TW: slight mention of self harm

All Kitty had to do was slip into the mansion, grab her books and get back to her apartment. Easy right? It would be if it wasn't for the fact that the grand mansion before her belonged to Jefferson. A man that seemed to have the ability to predict Kitty's every move, always knowing where she was and what she would do next. 

She successfully made it into the living room, having slipped through an open window in the kitchen. She gently pushed the door open which to her relief did not make a single creaking sound. Her eyes immediately noticed the pile of brown and grey sketchbooks on the coffee table next to a silver pot of teach and a white gold rabbit on the end of a chain. 

Her necklace.  

She inched towards the table, arms outstretched, ready grab her belonging and run. 

"What are you doing here?" A deep velvety voice filled the room and Kitty quickly spun around to see Jefferson standing in the doorway with a sharp pair of scissors in his hands. 

Determined not to give him the satisfaction of startling her, she quickly straightened her posture and grinned. "I see you've been admiring my work." Kitty raised an eyebrow at Jefferson as she moved closer to her sketchbooks. 

"Yeah, you know some of them look really familiar." Within a heartbeat, he had discarded the scissors on cabinet and was now standing behind Kitty, looking over her shoulder at the artwork. His hands came to rest on her waist as he planted a gentle kiss on her shoulder. Kitty lifted up the open book and began to flick through her own work. "That one looks like David." Jefferson said suddenly as she stopped on a pencil sketch of a heroic, charming looking prince. 

"Jefferson, don't start." Kitty warned as she pushed herself from his grip. She instantly missed the warm feeling but she didn't have the energy to start this argument with him. Not after this morning. This is why she was reluctant to come. She loved Jefferson but whenever she was around him it felt like she was doing something wrong, like she shouldn't be there. But every time she still came back.

"Kitty, you know I'm right. You can remember it too." 

"No Jefferson!" Why did he always have to do this? "I remember being locked up for those claims by my own family!" Tears swelled in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. Not because Jefferson was there, she had cried in front of Jefferson more times than she could count, but because she had promised herself she would no longer let it get to her. "I can't go back there, Jefferson. You've seen what it did to me. I- I just can't." Her voice got weaker and weaker with each word and by the end she was barely whispering. 

Jefferson knew that there was nothing he could say to comfort her so instead he wrapped his arms around her delicate frame as she buried her face in his shirt. "None of this is you." Jefferson ran his hands up and down her back as she started to cry. "It doesn't define you. You know that, right?" He pulled away slightly, one arm still wrapped around her, and took her wrist in his hand. He untied the burgundy scarf and let if drop to the floor. He carefully traced the scars with his fingers, going over the raised letters that had been carved into her skin. 

M  A  D

"You are perfect." Jefferson remarked as he pressed a kiss to her wrists, but Kitty kept her face buried in his shirt, determined not to look at the scars and the haunting memories they held.

"Yeah, well, everyone else agrees that I'm mad." 

"All the best people are." 

*** 

Kitty was startled awake by a buzzing noise against the marble coffee table. She was about to reach over for it until she realised Jefferson had  his arms wrapped tightly around her. They were lying on the white leather couch, with her back pressed against his chest. Despite the sense of comfort it gave her, Kitty also felt a wave of guilt wash over her. It had always been her choice to keep their relationship a secret. Jefferson never argued with the decision though. He knew that she second guessed everything she did and that the slightest thing could set her on edge, worried that she would be locked up again. In all honesty he was just grateful to be with her. Even to this day he would wake up in the night shaking in fear, the memory of losing her still very vivid. 

"You gonna answer that?" he mumbled, burying his face into her dip dyed hair. 

"You don't make that very easy, do you?" Kitty gestured down to his hands before they reluctantly pulled away and she reached for her phone just in time. 

"Hello, Kitty Chesh-" 

"What the hell have you done now?" 

"I haven't do-" 

"First Emma starts trying to find out about your past then this August guy comes asking questions too."  

Jefferson sat up next to Kitty, raising an eyebrow questioningly. She mouthed Regina in response and quietly giggles when he rolled his eyes. He got up to get some breakfast from the kitchen, leaving Kitty alone to face the wrath of Regina Mills. 

"Why don't you get your pet to look into it?" 

"My What?" 

"Sidney. Oh come on he's like your own little puppy dog, just nowhere near as cute." Kitty looked around the room for her scarf, unable to find it so she headed upstairs to 'borrow' another one of Jefferson's. 

"You should be more respectful to your Mayor." 

"We both know that's not going to happen." Regina was one of the very few people Kitty felt comfortable around, and although she would never admit it Regina was grateful to be able to know the real Kitty. 

"Where are you anyway? We need to find out who August is and get him to leave." 

"I'm ... at my apartment." Kitty said as she opened Jefferson's wardrobe and started routing through a draw of scarves. 

"Oh really. Well then I can come and pick you up, it's on the way to my office." 

"No! No it's fine. I need to stretch my legs anyway." Kitty lied as she went back downstairs struggling to tie a teal scarf around her wrist with only one hand. 

"I insist." 

"Regina, really it's fine." Kitty returned to the living room to find Jefferson flicking through a sketchbook. She stayed in the doorway trying to convince Regina, who clearly knew she was lying, not to got to her apartment. Meanwhile, Jefferson had come across something he had not seen before. It was a charcoal sketch of two figures playing in the woods, a mother and a daughter. The mother had long hair which had been pulled back into a braid while the daughter, no older than two or three, ran away from her with a large top hat clasped between her tiny hands. Jefferson's eyes began to sting with the threat of tears as he gazed at his love and his daughter. A sight he had not seen for far too long. 

Kitty turned to Jefferson, who had his back to her, as she hung up. "Regina wants to see me. I'm going to have to run, she's heading to my apartment." 

When she didn't get a reply from the normally extravagant, outspoken man, she walked around the couch to see him frozen, staring at the piece. "Jefferson, are you okay?" 

The sound of her caring voice brought him back to the present. "Er, yeah. Here." He shook off any lingering thoughts or emotions towards the life he lost and handed her the books she came to collect with a smile on his face. "Maybe I should keep some of them so you have to come back." 

Kitty leaned up on her tip toes and pressed a soft kiss to his lips before walking towards the door. 

"I have a better excuse." Without elaborating Kitty just smiled and left.