Embrace Me (A Shatter Me FanFiction)

Chapter Two

It happened on May nineteenth. I know this because it was the day after my birthday.

My birthday. A day that was filled with so many fun memories. A much simpler time, when my worries were buried demons of the past. The day before my heart was shattered into a million pieces by someone I thought could never hurt me. Someone I thought would always protect me.

But I was wrong. I was a fool to believe that anyone could ever love me and mean it. After living a life of neglect and being kicked to the curb by my own parents, love was a distant hope.

A possibility in a different world.

Even Adam was no exception to this, I think, as I close my eyes and try to push the lingering thoughts away.

But I fail I fail I fail because my palms start sweating as I recall

what I saw

that night.

Him in her arms. Her in his arms. Both are equally bad.

Everything that happened that night was just messed up.

Funny, I think, because Adam and I were the epitome of a perfect relationship the day prior. He had offered to take me out to dinner for my birthday, even bought me a new dress he said I'd look beautiful in. So funny, I think, because all the hugs and kisses and late night cuddles and I love yous went completely down the drain in a matter of one night. No, no. In a matter of a second.

Because Adam cheated. And I saw it with my own two eyes.

I suddenly feel lightheaded and resist the urge to vomit as the exact moment plays back in my head like a horror movie I've had nightmares about for days.

I was back from my training earlier than I said I would be because I had done everything I'd needed to do. I walked in to our room and first saw tangled bedsheets and I thought oh, the bed hasn't been made yet, but then oh, two sets of eyes and two sets of lips appeared, none of which were mine, and that's when I saw a girl who I all of a sudden can't remember the name of. Or the face of.

It's really all a blur.

I tried. I really did. It's like time froze and I floated out of my own body just to watch my sad, pathetic self try to flip through all the ridiculous possibilities of why Adam could be so close to another person, a female, in our room, in our bed, and look like he's been caught red-handed.

Like my mind was holding onto any last feather of hope threatening to float away, desperately searching for a rational explanation to avoid believing the one that I was in denial of, the one that was tugging at my bones, suffocating my throat, whispering in my ear.

There was yelling. There were tears. And chaos. So much chaos. I believe I was crying, I remember the hot salty taste in my mouth as I heard Adam shouting something along the lines of it's not what you think, but I wasn't listening at all because I think I'd gone deaf right there, right there and then I thought it was the end, thought wow, this hateful world has really done it this time, and I felt a concrete sensation across my back as I realized I had backed up all the way into the door behind me.

I'm pretty sure Adam, or maybe it was me, was still screaming when I turned around, flung the door open and ran outside toward god-knows-where, the only remnant of my humanity being the tears staining my face like ghosts of betrayal.

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I didn't dare turn back. I didn't dare go somewhere alone with my own self-destructing thoughts just so I could wallow in a hole of pity and regret for every choice I'd made up to that point.

So I ran. I ran to try to find the only person I wanted to see, the only person who I thought could possibly numb the pain.

My best friend, Kenji.

However, I never ended up finding Kenji because instead I bumped into a different friend who is the complete opposite of him: Aaron Warner. And I think all I was looking for in that moment was a human to show empathy and understanding because he fit all of those characteristics and I flung myself into his arms faster than Adam flung himself at the girl he cheated on me with.

He held me with concern in his eyes, so kind and gentle, and knew all the right things to say. It was late, and he asked to bring me back to his room to talk. I don't think I could've said no if I had wanted to. But I hadn't wanted to.

It started with walking into his room, the unfamiliar darkness creeping into the crevices of my bones and sending shivers up my spine. It's not that I was afraid. Of him. I was in shock of everything that had just happened and I was afraid of myself, what I would do if left to my own devices because I know too well what destruction my power causes if I'm out of control and I didn't trust myself and I couldn't I couldn't-

He comforted me like he understood. He listened to me like he cared. And then-

My heart stops and restarts as I remember being wrapped up in his arms, looking deep into his eyes and at every line and furrow on his face sharply sculpted by the shadows.

The things he said to me.

I tense up.

The way he touched me.

Deep breath.

It was a moment of weakness. I was vulnerable, defeated, wanting revenge, and I wanted it. I wanted him.

But I now know that it was a bad decision. It's the kind of decision that seems like a good idea in the moment but changes its course like a boomerang to stab you in the back. Like when you go to a party and get drunk and have a great time only to wake up with a hangover the next day. It's a monster in disguise that holds your hand and pretends to be your best friend, pretends to remove the dagger lodged in your heart only to shove it in deeper.

But I only know now. I didn't know then.

I didn't know then that it was the kind of decision I'd never be able to take back.

And the only person I have to blame for it is myself. It was my fault. I led Warner to believe that I felt something for him that I hadn't figured out yet. I was confused and naïve and stupid and didn't know what I was doing. I allowed myself to be blindly led by grief and driven by my all-consuming, blazing rage. Something that is very dangerous, especially for a person like me.

The next day I woke up in Warner's arms just as broken and hurt as I was the day before and immediately knew my mistake. I was revolted to discover the haunting thoughts that had made a nest in my mind and told me they were there to stay, disgusted with myself that I had any love left at all for Adam.

I tried to explain it to Warner but I couldn't see past the hurt in his eyes, just a painful reminder of the monster user manipulator that I am. Because I saw in him what I had experienced not even a full day before, and that kind of pain was still too fresh, too real that I understood fully just what I had done.

I didn't mean to hurt you, I said.

Please understand, I said.

But it was too late. The damage was done.

I had just lost a friend.

And somehow, my life managed to still get worse. Because if it wasn't, I wouldn't have just told Aaron Warner Anderson that I'm pregnant with his child and wouldn't have to stare at him bearing the most speechless expression I've ever seen on a face.

God, why did this happen to me?