Loving Gabriel

Chapter 1: Two Different Parts

Life can be so unpredictable. That's what I've learnt. When I was 15, I lost the only person I knew. When I thought I had no where to go, I ended up with my actual family who loved me so selflessly. At that point I thought, what can be bigger than this in my life? I wish I knew before I thought. Today after 5 years of coming to London, my life is no more what I thought of it.

So here I am, sitting in my bedroom, on the window seat looking at the backyard gardens of the Wright estate, thinking about the changes my life went through.

From being a depressed, anorexic and lonely teenager, to now a woman. It has been 4 years since the events in Sicily and now I'm 20 years old. Once after coming back, I thought nothing would be saddening anymore, life will be great and we will all be happy together. That happiness however, was short lived. We were hit with tragedies that changed us. But only thing I was grateful for was that we were all still together. Fighting it somehow. But we are in a better place.

I fiddled with my 8ct oval cut diamond ring that sat gracefully on my left ring finger, a habit I had developed since the day I put it on. It once again reminded me of who put it there. It had been 2 years now. We never met in these 2 years. I only saw him when he put it on my finger.

It wasn't like he didn't wanted to. It was me, who needed time and freedom for myself. It was me who wanted to complete my degree in Jewellery designing at the best art school in all of London. Now that I had graduated last month, I knew the date was nearby. I knew that we would meet soon and that after that there would be no escape. I don't want to escape either.

I believe it's in God's will. He wanted this so I'm in this situation right now. And it has been quite a while since I made peace with it.

Acceptance is hard. It takes time, patience and willingness. I was lucky enough to have all three. I had time because he gave it to me. I had patience because God was with me. I had willingness because I liked him from the day I saw him. And it definitely played a key role.

I had made it very clear that I wasn't a fan of a mafia life. It took away something from me and that hole in my heart can never be filled. But I knew that once you enter this life, there's no exit. Once you're born into this life, death is the only way out of it. But I grew stronger than that.

So from the beginning i was made to understand that there's no going out. That someday I would be with a man from this line of work or would be with no one at all. Bringing someone else from outside was pointless and endangering.

My family would never force me into anything I don't want to with the exception that it isn't life threatening. I have the right to choose for myself. And I did have a choice when I was asked the question for marriage. Even at that time, I was made to understand my options and choices thoroughly. My brothers did have a fallout, as to what I was choosing. But at the end, they all want what's best for me. Always. I know.

I wasn't sad. He had never given me a reason for it. He had never done anything to me, that would make me question him or myself. It was what I heard from the others that sent shivers down my spine. People called him a heartless beast, a cruel monster, an emotionless torturer. But his caring side towards me had me captured. I was never able to see pass through it. I was told that that side of him was only for me. Only me. And that somehow assured me that he wanted this and I wasn't being forced on to him.