(Oda x Dazai) You Make Me Want To Live

Chapter 1: There's Just Something About Him

Dazai POV

Life never goes as planned. Maybe that's why I hate it so much.
No. No that's not why. There's just no point in living. If the world is going to continue being disastrous, there's no point in helping. There's no point putting so much effort into something that cannot be fixed. It's impossible to change humanity and it's lifestyles. It's impossible to help society. Someone can come up with a brilliant idea, but it will never be fully fulfilled. There's no point. So in conclusion, the world is boring. Nothing will ever satisfy me. I'm not suicidal because I'm depressed (although that may be somewhat of the case), I'm suicidal because I want to escape. Escape responsibilities, escape pain and suffering, escape stress, and to escape the world I've been brought into. Maybe dying will leave a better impact instead of being alive. Maybe-

"Dazai." Escaping my thoughts, I swiftly turn my head to the direction my name was being called. Just as predicted, Oda approached and took his seat.

"Odasaku!" I say more enthusiastic than I had planned, "What a lovely surprise! What brings you here?" I already knew the answer. I only needed something to say to start a conversation. We always meet up at the Bar Lupin. It's become almost like a tradition.

Oda narrowed his eyes in confusion. "I always come for a drink with you." He turns to the bar keeper as a glass is placed in front of him. I watch him as he picks it up as his hair slightly moves in front of his face. I notice that I'm staring and quickly glance down at my own drink. I'm only 18. The law is that you have to be 21 to legally drink. But it's not like anyone will know. Besides, I've done it multiple times before without getting caught. Odasaku is 5 years older than me. Meaning that he's 23. I didn't expect Odasaku to be a drinker. Yet, he is full of multiple surprises. I lay my head on the counter and start poking the ice cube.

Oda places his glass down and I feel his eyes glaring at me. Yet I refused to look back at him. I'd be too embarrassed. "Where's Ango?"

I let out a huff and then followed by a playful yawn, "he's sick apparently, he said earlier that rainstorms usually give him slight colds."
The silence was way too loud so I turn in my seat facing him. "I guess that just leaves me and you!"

"Yea."

Damn he's so dry. I'm used to people being dry texters, but I've never seen someone be dry at face to face talking.

"Odasakuuuuu. You can't just give me a simple 'yea.' That's so bland."

"Sorry"

This guy really doesn't like talking. I decided to stop pestering him and laid my head back onto the table, continuing to poke at the single ice cube in the middle of the glass. I was distracted until I felt Oda's hand grab around my arm, stopping me from messing with the ice. Oda's hands were calloused yet soft. It made my heart stop for a split second. I don't know why, but it did. I made the mistake at looking up at him because we met eyes. He was looking at me. Or more like, inspecting me. He's a laid back guy so his eyes barely showed any emotion. But I can slightly sense that he was being shy or that he was embarrassed. Eye contact is harder than it seems. I sit up as Oda let's go of my arm but he still gazes at me as I look at the counter.

"It's still raining outside. I can take you home."

Was this his way of being nice? Or trying to flirt? Wait. Flirt? Oda wouldn't flirt with me. And it's not like I like him or anything. I'm into women. Or...am I into guys? Or do I like women AND guys?

"Dazai?" I snap out of it and try retaliating.
"Yes! Yea you can take me home Odasaku."
"Good, because I'm leaving now." He gets up out of his seat and starts to head for the door.
"Hey, wait for me!" I get up out of my seat a bit too fast because the next thing you know I feel myself falling. Of course I am. I'm clumsy. Not the very brightest person in the world. I try catching myself but I don't need to because I feel Oda's arms wrap around me.
Oda looks down at me as I land into him, "You need to be more careful-"
I feel my face flush and I stand back up as fast as I can cutting his sentence off. I try awkwardly laughing it off, "haha! Silly me!"
What is this feeling? Being around Oda gives me butterflies...but in a good way. Being with Oda makes me feel a sense of happiness. I don't really know what happiness feels like, but Oda definitely changes that for me. If I could just-
Oda gently puts his hand on my head so that he catches my full attention. "Do you want me to drop you off at your place? Or would you want to come with me?"
"Your choice, I could really care less."
"Well then you can just stay over at my place. I'll stop to see the kids first though." Those orphans mean a lot to him. Oda is a caring man. That's what I admire most about him. I, on the other hand, am very firm. It's either kill or be killed. I'd rather take my own life then some random nobody take it. Oda is very different. He tries to keep the peace. He could be in a dangerous position and still try to get out of it without harming anyone. He could get killed that way. Yet he continues to stand with his morals. That's why I admire him. He sticks to his decisions even if it means loosing his life. I don't want him to die. That's why I try getting to him as fast as I can before something fatal happens. But I highly respect him for his bravery. I thought my admiration for him was platonic. But now I'm realizing I just flat out love him. My only issue is, I don't know if he'll ever love me back. I would cry right now if I could. But I don't have the tears to do so. I'm also in front of Oda. I don't want him to see me cry. Nor will I ever want to see him cry. There's just something about him. He's too important to me.