✨Vent Book✨

Idk how to title this

TW: R@ pe, assault, homophobia, abuse (Yeah I loved childhood) Sorry this goes into detail I just want to explain and vent about what happened 

When I was 13 I was r@p3d by 4 of my close friends at the time. 

Basically there was this creek me and my friends would go to a lot. (nakey swims) ( I came out to them as "Non-straight" ( I didn't know exactly what I was but I knew I liked m e n and womens)

Anyways they acted chill with it. I liked one of the friends in my group but I didn't tell him but after I came out he started flirting with me and stuff. So when we were at the creek we were messing around and shit, I think it was around like 11 pm or something. I was gonna head home soon cuz my dad would've been home at 1 and if he knew I was out he would've beat the shit out of me. 

When I got out of the water the others did too. I tried to get my clothes back on but someone pushed me over and laid on top of me. I thought they were just messing with me so I laughed and tried pushing them off than I got hit in the head with something (I think it was a tree branch.) My cheek started bleeding and the person got off me. When I flipped around they were laughing at me and one had their phone out. I still thought they were just joking with me so I tried to get up and one hit me again with that thing. 

One person held me down and than they all started calling me homophobic slurs and making s3xu@l comments about my body. I tried pushing the person on me off but I couldn't cuz they were to heavy. 

I still thought they were just messing around until one of them started touching me s3xu@lly and said things like "Oh since you're a f@g you should like this stuff"

I started screaming at them to get off and that this wasn't funny anymore but they ignored me and all of them started touching me. At that point I was crying and kicking to get them off but I couldn't cuz they were all bigger than me. (I was a fucking twig cuz my dad wouldn't feed me well)

I got hit with the thing again and I started spacing out cuz it hurt to much. then they r@p3d me. Not going into detail cuz I don't want to re live that but yeah, they took turns assaulting me.

It hurt so fucking bad and I couldn't move, they called me slurs the whole time and talked about "doing this more often." They made fun of me for crying and asking them to stop (I was literally begging them to stop the entire time)

Eventually they stopped cuz I was bleeding and they pushed me into the creek. I thought I was gonna fucking drown cuz my legs hurt so much I could barely move them.

By the time I got out of the creek they were gone and they left me only a shirt. I wrapped it around my waist and walked home. My dad must've been late cuz he wasn't home yet at 2 am (thank fucking god)

I took a shower and didn't eat or sleep. I threw up a lot. I was so fucking disgusted with myself and I was in so much pain. It hurt to walk or sit down and my face was cut up. I just kinda dry heaved sobbed all night. I didn't go to school the next day cuz my dad still didn't come home. 

I didn't eat all day and I basically just sat in bed. The things they called me and how it felt replayed in my mind and I started shaking and crying. 

I really thought they cared about me and didn't have a problem with me being gay or whatever. I was terrified they were going to do it again so I was scared to go back to school. They knew where I lived which made me feel like they would come to my house after school and hurt me again. I was scared they would hurt my sisters to, since they went to the same school as me.

I didn't have anyone to talk to. My dad would've just been pissed I snuck out and wouldn't even care, my one sister was too young to understand and I didn't want my older sisters to tell my dad or something. I couldn't tell any of my friends cuz I thought they would do what those other 4 did or they wouldn't believe me, or they would tell other people. (I lived in a VERY homophobic town)

That's all I wanna write today cuz I'm really upset rn, sorry if I misspelt some things or something doesn't make sense I didn't want to think about it anymore

(National r@p3 hotline) 1-800-656-4673