Hold Me Tight and Don't Let Go.

Chapter Two 'It hurts to think what life could be like without you'.

Six hours later Steve and Hastings were finally approached by a nurse and doctor. Who explained that Kate was out of surgery but that as Steve was not her next of kin that they couldn't tell him anymore than that. As Kate had been asking for Steve this was the only reason why they were allowing him to go and see her.

Steve's legs gave way as he was told this and he landed in the chair behind him, ignoring the complaint of his back from the sudden drop. With a huge sense of relief that Kate was okay. Once Steve had recovered slightly the nurse led him into Kate's cubicle. He felt the small lump forming in his throat rise as he approached her bedside and took in the state of his best mate. Kate had fallen back to sleep but the nurse had told Steve that he could stay for as long as he liked, due to the fact that Kate had been so distressed when she had initially come round and had been shouting for Steve to help her.

Steve gave a slight chuckle at that information as he could imagine that the only reason that Kate had been shouting for him was so that she could tell him what an utter pillock he had been over the last couple of months. Which he already knew and felt awful about.

As Kate had gone back to sleep before Steve had arrived. He quietly walked around her bed space to the chair next to her, and took her hand whilst leaning over to stroke the hair out of the way of her eyes. He groaned in pain as his back spasmed at the movement of leaning over Kate. So he quickly let go of her hand and moved her hair so that he could lift himself up from the chair until the spasm went. He gingerly sat back down and smiled to himself at Kate's sleeping form. He didn't know how she did it but her hair always ended up in the way of her eyes. He continued to smirk to himself as he remembered all the times that Kate did that funny shake with her head. So that the hair in front of her left eye would move away.

'Aw mate, how did we end up here, hey?' Steve took her hand in both of his and rubbed this thumb on the top of her hand like he had in the ambulance. 'Everything is such a mess and it's my fault. I've been so distracted and needed you help. Maybe if I had been more focused on the job. This wouldn't have happened and you would be safe at home with a glass of wine watching crap TV and thinking that I'm a prat'. The lump in Steve's throat threatened to rise up again and this time he couldn't keep it down.

'I'm so sorry' he sobbed 'I've been a mess since my accident. I've just been in so much pain, and just really want it to stop to the point where I keep taking too many pain killers. I know it's wrong, but I just can't help it Kate. I just want to feel normal again'. Gulped Steve. He could feel the tears dripping down his face and onto his blue shirt. Steve gave Kate's hand a little squeeze and carried on as he thought surly it would be better to come clean once and for all to Kate. He hated talking about the deep stuff, but this was Kate in front of him, his best mate and maybe if he was really lucky his soul mate. 'I need you mate, I need your help. To help me overcome this. Don't leave me Kate, please don't leave me' Steve lowered his head on to the bed sheet, took a long deep breath and then whispered 'I love you Kate' whilst sobbing into the bed sheets and grasping Kate's hand so tightly that he was surprised that she hadn't woken up, just to shake his hand off for how tight he was holding it. He's not too sure when but eventually Steve fell into an uneasy and light sleep.

Steve woke up to a slight movement from the bed and someone stroking his other hand that wasn't holding onto Kates. His face felt swollen and sticky from all the crying he had done the day before and his back was in agony from the awkward position that he had fallen asleep in. He slowly opened his eyes and winced in pain as he gently pulled himself up to sit up straight.

'Steve' Kate Whispered, her face looked red and blotchy as if she had been crying and Steve's heart broke at the sight of her distress. Kate had always been the strong one, no matter what the situation was. But this time she looked so small, delicate and generally upset in the bed. Steve leaned forward so that he could get closer to Kate 'alright mate?' he asked giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. 'I thought we had lost you there for a minuet'. Kate looked at Steve with red blood shot eyes and big saucepan pupils as tears started to dance down her face. 'So did I mate, I really thought I was a goner and all I could think about was Josh and how I haven't seen him this week'. Steve lent in to give hate a hug as he held her whilst she cried. He understood why she felt so upset about the accident. As he knew that she had become close to Jo. So that must have hurt on an emotional level when she had turned on Kate. He also got it as he could remember how he felt and how he was just as upset when he had had his accident and been attacked by balaclava man three years ago.

It made such a change seeing Kate in a hospital bed instead of him. But it wasn't a change that he wanted to ever get used to. Seeing Kate nearly die had put him through hell and when she was better he would make sure that she was aware of what a good friend she was to him and how much he really loved her. Even though Steve knew it wasn't necessarily the best time to bare all to Kate. He felt like he needed to so that she could understand how difficult the last 18 months had been for him and how much he needed her.

Steve gulped as he sat back down in the chair facing Kate and winced when his back hit the back of the chair. So that he shuffled forward slightly leaning towards Kate to get into a comfortable position. Kate noticed Steve Wincing and put out a hand to comfort him 'mate are you sure you're okay'? Steve swept his hand through his hair as he felt his heart beginning to race, he really didn't want to tell Kate but felt that if he didn't tell her now he never would. 'Mate, I've got something to tell you and I don't think you're going to be best pleased with me when I tell you what I've done'. Steve hung his head in shame and stared at his hands. 'What is it Steve, you're worrying me'. Kate asked as she grabbed his hand from off of his lap. 'Whatever it is, I'm here for you mate'. Kate gave him a reassuring smile and stoked the top of his hand that she was holding. Like he had done to her in the ambulance.

That was it Steve couldn't keep the tears from falling as he told Kate about the full extent of the accident 3 years ago and how his back had never fully healed and how much pain it had caused him. As well as how he had tried to ride the pain with alcohol as well as the prescription pain killers. He also told Kate about what had happened with Sam and that was when he really started to sob. He put his head back down on Kate's sheets and sobbed quietly whilst she held his hand and stoked his head. She knew things had been bad between Steve and Same but had never imagined that she would be such a bitch about it. Annoyingly Sam always seemed to have a habit of leaving Steve when he really needed her. Kate honestly thought that Steve was much better off without Sam.

Kate had listened the whole time that Steve had talked about what had been going on and kept hold of his hand throughout the whole conversation in a hope that he would find it a comfort. As well as helping him realise that she wasn't mad at him for what he had been doing to himself. She had noticed that at times he would look completely out of it, but at the time she was too preoccupied with operation light house and Jo to even think that he would be struggling with his own inner daemons. In fact Kate felt the complete opposite as she had never really see Steve Cry and when she had it would only be a few tears and not the sobs that were currently coming from her partner. But when she had seen him cry it had broken her heart each time. He really had managed to get himself into a right mess since she had left AC-12.

As Steve sobbed into the bedsheets she held his hand in one hand and stroked his hair with the other. She let him cry it out thinking that it was better for him to get it out of his system than to be holding onto it building up inside him. 'It's okay Steve' Kate soothed as she stroked his hair. 'It's not okay' came a muffled reply from where Steve's face was buried into the bed sheets. 'Mate it will be, we can sort this out together. I promise you that' Steve lifted his head up and gulped at Kate's words. 'I'm scared Kate and I'm supposed to be being the strong one for you. You nearly died and I'm failing at that too'. Steve's face crumpled up again and Kate gingerly pulled him into a hug, careful not to pull any of the stitches in her side. 'I know you're scared mate, but we will sort it. Starting with you going to Occy health and telling the gaffer. I can be with you for support if you think it will help. Plus I don't need you to be the strong one, I'm still here you daft git'. Steve sniffed and digested what Kate had just said. He felt so relieved that it was getting sorted and yes it would help Kate being there. Even if it was just to make sure that he didn't run off and followed it through. He was so scared of what was to come, but he needed to get his life back on track and get out of the rut that he had gotten himself into.

Kate could see Steve's eyes glazing over and she was worried that he was going to put his guard up again, like he had when she had left AC-12. 'I promise that when I am out of here and better that I will help you mate. If you want me to come to any appointments with you, no matter what they are for I will. We will get through this together. Okay?' Steve looked up and studied Kate's eyes, nodded his head and breathed a sigh of relief. He finally had his best mate back and things were going to be okay. He had a long road of recovery ahead of him and so did Kate with her injury, but together they would be okay.

Steve gave Kate a little sideways smile and thanked his lucky starts that he transferred over to AC-12 all those years ago and met Kate. She really was the best thing in his life, apart from the job. This time with Kate's help he was determined to ditch the painkillers, now that he knew that she was okay and that their friendship was back on track.