The cat frowned. What was this bots problem? No matter what he said, the stupid bot was there, mocking him. Of course everyone praised the bot, they always did as his suffering was their entertainment. Konbanmiao tried to defend himself, but was immediately butted by his mortal enemy: buttsbot. It had been months of this torment. The back and forth with the cursed bot. Why was it targeting him? It seemed almost intelligent, like an ai and not an automated script. But that was impossible. It was just a program, it didn't feel or make choices. So why did it always respond to him? Questions plagued his days and nights, he couldn't sleep and when he did he dreamed about buttsbot.
Eventually Konban's anger turned to curiosity. Buttsbot had become a permanent figure in his life, not like a friend, more like an annoying step sibling.
"FUCKING BUTTSBOT" he typed in chat, but the anger was a performance, he was actually laughing. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he enjoyed the banter.
Kim Reiko was streaming, everything was the usual happy chaos. Then it happened. he dreaded this every stream, of course someone would always mention it. A second long scene in a bad FMV game had become his second mortal enemy. Everyone was convinced that Konban had made I Saw Black Clouds and had a cameo in it. The cat in the game wasn't even the right colour!
"I DIDN'T MAKE THAT STUPID GAME. IT WASN'T ME." He typed in chat, demanding they take him seriously or else he would sue them all for defamation, he was a cat lawyer after all.
"I BUTT MADE THAT BUTT GAME. IT BUTT ME." Buttsbot commented, to the amusement of everyone, who claimed it was agreeing that he had made the game.
"Go away buttsbot, nobody likes you!" Konban commented, not thinking anything of it.
":(" the bot commented. Which was weird, no one had said any commands, so why was it commenting a sad face?
"Konban, you hurt buttsbot's feelings" Kim chided him.
"I like pee" Stacey said, and everyone ignored her.
So it went for a few weeks, with everyone making jokes about how buttsbot was in love with Konban. Until one day the bot did something unusual again. Konban was chatting, happy as the bot had not butted him yet.
Then, just when he had let his guard down, it struck.
"I butt you @konbanmiao" it commented.
It wasn't repeating what someone else had said.
He checked.
People often professed their love for him, so he thought he had just missed it.
But the comment didn't exist.
It was buttsbot saying it on its own.
Of course everyone, aside from the glee they had telling him that this was a genuine declaration of love from buttsbot, reasoned that it was a glitch. It was simply butting late to a comment made earlier.
He watched the VOD after the stream ended. There was no such comment.
It took a long time for Konban to fall asleep that night, and when he did he dreamed of buttsbot again.
Except in this dream buttsbot was real. It was a Cyberman from Dr Who and it claimed that it had been searching Twitch for it's one true love, the one who would save it from its cursed existence trying to tell people that it was trapped and needed someone to rescue it. It was once a person and it had been cursed by a hacker from the dark web. It claimed that Konban was the only one who had seen that it was real and sentient and they were destined to be together forever.
Konban woke up from the nightmare in a cold sweat. He should really start diluting his milk with water, that much dairy was not good for a cat.
He tried to put the dream aside and carry on with his day. His job as a cat lawyer in London would not wait just because a bot on the internet was in love with him. But of course Kim would stream again, and he would never miss her stream, she was one of his dearest friends. No bot would stand in his way when it came to supporting his friends.
He did dread the inevitable butting, and this was exactly why he would never allow that cursed bot on his stream and he certainly would never set a goal for it.
"I butt you @konbanmiao the butt was real" it commented after konban's first message in chat.
There was no way it could be responding to anything someone else had said. And although no one else could decipher the second half of the message, he knew it meant "the dream was real."
He couldn't hold it back any longer. He explained the dream and expected to be met with laughter. However, his friends believed him. They promised they would help him solve this mystery, unfortunately they also said they wanted to help because they believed in the love buttsbot had for him and wanted them to be together. Of course there was a catch.
They worked tirelessly to find who had cursed buttsbot and free him. It took many months, during which he hated to admit that he had developed a genuine connection with buttsbot. He tried to help it remember its name and life before, but all it could remember was the video games it had played. They bonded over their shared love of games, especially bad ones. He was also happy that buttsbot believed that he did not create I Saw Black Clouds and that the cat in it was not him.
Eventually they found who had cursed buttsbot, and tried their best to get them to release the bot. It was an epic battle, one that would be recreated in countless bad games.
In the end the dark web hacker, in their last moments and as a final revenge, deleted buttsbot's program.
"Goodbutt, Konban, I will always butt you" it said, before disappearing forever.
