It was the international day of love and the restaurant was a glow with candles and smooth music seeped through the busy restaurant. Across from me was an empty chair and a main course that was getting colder by the minute. Taking a look around the room I saw only the familiar faces of the Saturday night wait staff and the gushing of lovesick couples. I wondered how many of them out there were celebrating their first valentine's day, the only thing I learnt from my sidelong glance was that I was the only woman sitting alone. Trying to think positive I got up from my chair and headed towards the restrooms, maybe he needed me to rescue him from a conversation with a work client he had bumped into or he had fallen ill. I kept my head down, trying to contain my emotions and hide my anxiety from probing eyes. I had just passed the kitchen when I heard his voice coming from the back exit. The heavy door had been propped open with a bucket of dirty water. Taking a deep breath I stepped past the bucket and into the alley way. He was there, his pants were around his ankles and a waitress was pressed up against the brick wall. Her hair shielded his face, but I knew it was him. I stood there frozen, unnoticed by both of them and sick to my stomach. Somewhere in my mind a dam broke and I began to flood with thoughts and emotions. My first thought was; get away before they see you. I hated him right then and there. Turning quickly, narrowly missing the bucket I stormed back inside. I felt eyes on me as I made my way through the crowds of deliriously happy couples, all of their possible thoughts and judgements mixed with what was already in my head causing a swirl of panic. The walls were closing in on me and my body heat was rising as a vortex of panic circled the drain. I took my bag from under the table, fought the urge to spit in his food and took my leave. Outside I felt a little better, I was able to breath. Looking behind me I said a silent goodbye to the place that had become routine to me. I knew I could never set foot in it again. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold everything in as I walked down the street to where the taxis parked. I began to sink deeper into my thoughts with every step, signs I should've noticed bubbled up and spilled over like hot lava over my heart.
"Cassandra?" the words cut through my subconscious, bringing me back to reality.
I stopped. Was it him? I was unprepared with a response, there was nothing he could say that would fix this but still there was something there; a flicker of hope. Turning around my hopes fell flat. Before me stood a stranger with a vaguely familiar face.
"Cassandra Winters? It's me, Adrian Harman!" he said.
"Adrian?" I said, my voice squeakier than I had intended.
"Yeah, it's been years." He announced.
Adrian Harman. Of all the people I could've bumped into on tonight of all nights was the boy who use to throw my school bag into the urinal wall. The man who had been my tormentor for years, the reason I hated high school stood in front of me.
"Not enough apparently." I sighed and turned to keep walking.
"I probably deserved that..."
"No Adrian, you deserve much worse than that. I don't need this tonight."
I walked quickly, putting as much distance between us as possible. As I came around the corner I saw the sign for the taxis, but there was not one in sight. Typical. It seemed I couldn't make a quick getaway. Looking back there was Adrian, all six feet of him rounding the corner. I braced myself, looking around for an exit or someone I could call for t help me. The street was unbelievably bare that there may as well have been a tumble weed rolling by.
"Come any closer and I will mace you...I swear to god!" I called out, digging my hand into my bag.
"Cassandra, I just want to talk." His hands were up in front of him, and he stopped in his tracks.
"I have nothing to say to you Harman!" I called.
"I know! You have no idea how unbelievably sorry I am for treating you the way that I did. I know that doesn't make up for it, but I'm not that stupid boy anymore. I've wanted to contact you for years but I couldn't find you, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. When I saw you on the street just now I knew I couldn't let you walk away without at least trying." He called out, his voice breaking.
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The second dam broke that night, flooding the rivers banks of my heart and spilling out. I felt completely hollow, my limbs were numb and a lump formed in my throat as I leant back against the sign post. Collapsing onto myself I sank down into a puddle of my own tears, heartbreak and anger boiling over. Before I knew it Adrian was beside me, not touching me but just sitting by me. I hid my face in my hands as I tried desperately to stop myself from blubbering. I felt like such an idiot, chewed up and spat out by the man I had devoted the last four years to and here was the tormentor of my youth saying the words I wanted to hear from the man I loved. It seemed like hours had passed when a police officer approached us both and asked if everything was okay. My face was a mess of muddied makeup and tears, my throat dry and my voice hoarse when I tried to speak.
"Yes sir," I heard Adrian say.
"Miss?" the officer implored.
"Yes officer," I said, wiping my face.
Hesitating beside us for a moment, the officer then kept moving on. I managed to look up, seeing Adrian looking back at me. His face was dark with concern, his hand reached out to me and rested on my hand that sat on my leg.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Hey, I deserved worse." He said, a half smile twitched in his cheek.
"A lot of those weren't for you, if you hadn't noticed...It's Valentine's Day and I'm alone."
"It is?" a full smile took over his face and a warmth washed over me.
Headlights blinded us both as a taxi pulled up to the curb. Adrian stood, helping me up and walked me to the taxi. He pulled a notepad from his pocket and a pen. Quickly he scribbled onto the paper, tore out the note and passed it to me. He wished me a happy valentine's day and waited until I was in the car before he turned and walked away. As the taxi pulled out onto the road I opened the note, under the streetlights that filtered in through the window I read it.
