Who I Am

My hands shook as I stared at the screen.

How do I do this?

My thumbs hovered over the buttons. I typed a beginning sentenced, deleted it, and tried again. I did this over and over. If I was pondering over how to simply start this message, how was I supposed to confidently say what I needed to?

Hi everyone! I hope y'all are having a good break so far! I'm writing because I have something that's been on my mind for a while, and it's something that's important for me to get off my chest.

I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing myself to take a few deep breaths. This allowed me to calm down for just a moment, and with that brief moment of clarity, I typed the next sentence.

I am non-binary, which for me means that I don't strictly identify as female or male.

I paced into the next room, using my nervous energy to move around instead of letting it build up and cause me to shake. This next part was the most important to me- I had to word this just right.

My pronouns are they/them/theirs and she/her/hers; although, while I don't mind she/her/hers, I prefer they/them/theirs more. I also no longer go by Ashley- I go by Jordan now.

A shaky sigh left my body, and I spun around to trace my steps back into the room I had just left.

My family knows this, as well as people from college, but you all are some of the first people from home that I'm telling. I know that this might take a bit of time to understand and change. That is completely valid and okay, as long as you are trying and being kind to me. I recognize that some of you may not fully understand, and that is also okay- you don't have to understand all of it. All I am asking is that you all listen, recognize this, be supportive, and try.

"What're you doing?"

My head snapped up and I made eye contact with my sister, clicking my tongue.

"I'm...coming out to my friends from home."

"Oh? Good luck! I think that's just about all I can say unfortunately."

I let out a chuckle. "No, no- it's all good. I appreciate the support!"

She walked upstairs, and I resumed to my nervous pacing.

I'm telling y'all this because it's something important to me, and I love and value my friendship with y'all. I'm open to answering questions or pointing you to resources that might help you understand- just let me know.

The more I typed, the lighter I felt, and slowly I gained more confidence.

I am very proud and happy of who I am. I'm still the same person and friend that you all know- I just have a different name and pronouns. Thank you for listening to me- this was hard for me to do, but I'm glad that I did it and shared who I am with y'all.