My Broken Queen

Chapter 16

Chapter 16-
Carolina's POV:

It was the next day, and I didn't really know what to do with myself. What are you supposed to do after getting attack?

For the first time in awhile I woke up with just me in the bed. I was confused where Jaxson had gone. I could tell he wasn't in the bathroom so where could he be. He normally always waits for me to wake up before getting up.

Maybe it was something important, but then he would have woken me up to take me with him so I could learn what to do. But no, i'm just in bed by myself confused. 

After thinking about what to do next I just decided to look downstairs in his office for him. 

I didn't get changed or anything just started moving through the halls. 

I haven't learned how to get around this whole place yet but I can find my way through it a little better now. To the important parts at least, which is a start. 

Once I am finally in front of Jaxson's office I can feel him in there. I lightly knock on the door before opening it and walking in. 

He was looking down at some papers with a frustrated look on his face, but once he whipped his head up to look at me the frustration melted away. I'm happy I can still make him relax with me just being in the room. I wonder if that we someday change? I hope not at least. 

"Morning Butterfly." He said gesturing me to come to him. Which I quickly obeyed and moved to sit with him like I had been for many days now in this office. "You weren't there when I woke up?" I asked after a few seconds of quite. 

He sighed and laid his head on my shoulder. "That's correct. I had a lot of work to do after what happened yesterday. I need to make sure that you and everyone else is safe before I can relax." He told me, holding me to him like I was in trouble. 

"Can I help?"

It seemed like a simple question to me, but it seemed to stump Jaxson. 

"I don't know. This stuff can get pretty messy and after yesterday I would feel better if you were as far away from it as possible." He told me. I understood that he wanted to keep me safe, but isn't it as dangerous for him as it is for me. And aren't we both leaders to this pack. 

I thought he would want my help. He has been so excited every time I offered to help. Whats different. Why the change. 

"I don't understand." I said lightly. 

The frustration now returning to his face as he tries to think of what to say. 

"Are we not both King and Queen. Is it not my place to help you where ever I can and for you to do the same for me. Together." I asked saying what I thought this was supposed to be like. That's what Carol said it should be. 

"Yes, that is how this is supposed to go but," He stopped. "But? But what's different, why can't I help? I can help, I promise." I asked perking up showing him I'm ready to help.

He just chuckled and shook his head. "What happened yesterday, happened cause I wasn't protecting you. Because I wanted you to be in the open and seen as Luna Queen. I didn't protect you and I'm sorry. But I'm not letting my mistakes go unlearned. I need you safe. No more scars or pain for you. I need you to help me with somethings, but this, this is something I have to do." 

His words were filled with emotion and they seemed to make sense, or at least I wanted them to, but they just didn't. Wouldn't the work be easier with two people, wouldn't we been more safe with 4 eyes instead of 2 looking out for everyone. What if something else does happen and everyone is blindsided cause we didn't know what was going on, I didn't know what was going on. 

Who ever said ignorance in bliss was stupid. 

It's only a temporary safety that will be shattered once reality catches up with you. 

"Why can't it be something we have to do?" I tried. Even though fighting with someone like the Alpha King seemed hopeless to me.   

His eyes were filled with sadness now that I didn't mean to put there. "It just can't." Was his final statement on the matter. 

Can't 

Can't has been a word I described my whole life on. 

Can't get away

Can't fight.

Can't be strong.

Can't be a good Luna Queen. 

Jaxson has never been one to use that word with me. He has always told me I can. Why not this, what am I missing, am I really that weak and stupid to see whats going on that I can't help. Is Jaxson seeing that now too. 

I didn't know what to do with myself after that. I just wanted Jaxson and I think he wanted me so I sat with him for awhile till breakfast was called and me and him ate our food in silence. 

The rest of the day I was in the living room, not watching anything and reading anything, but thinking. Thinking ways to better myself and get stronger. 

To make the word can't go away, and never come back. 

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