hi, i'm ace.

a letter to someone i love

this is a specific letter that i will add and add onto as time goes on. it's meant to be for someone who i've liked for quite some time now. if you somehow find this, please don't feel guilty. this pain was put in the place of a deep and true love.
on that note here is my letter

My dear Lemon Boy,
i'm sorry. for all the pain i've ever caused you. for all the nights i've kept you up for no reason other then wanting to talk to you, just like tonight. you sent me a video, telling me to go to bed, and i couldn't help but notice just how annoyed you looked in said video. you seemed tired. bored. we had a conversation where you thought i didn't like talking to you but i want to ask you this,
do you like talking to me?
often times when you text you sound bored. maybe i'm just overthinking, which i probably am, but you only ever send 'Ok's and as small of sentences. you seem like you don't want to be here and that hurts. it's been almost a year since i met you and almost a year of me hopelessly falling in love with you, and i can see you slipping out of that same love more and more everyday whilst i do the opposite. but it's hard not to love you. you're adorable, kind, smart, and most of all funny. you're my love and i don't want to let you go. you used to make fun of me for that, not letting go of the past, but this time it's you. you are my past and i don't want to let you go, ever. so i'm sorry. for all the sleepless nights, all the hopeless begging for you to come outside. for fellow neighbors to use me as a prop just to drag you to their house/outside as well. i can tell you don't enjoy me to much, which also kinda hurts. i've always complimented you on who you are and all the little things about your personality that i simply can't help but adore and the one time i remember you complimenting me it was for weird sexual reasons and that hurt more then you know. all i want is for you to love me the same way i have for a year but i don't know how much i can take it. i've lost so many good conversations with my dearest friend just because i needed to rant to someone about you, whether it be good or bad i just needed it off my chest and i feel guilty for you being the only thing i talk about. my parents are suspicious about us because all i do when i talk about my day is talk about you and the stupid but yet adorable little things you do. i notice all of them. the way you look at your beloved cat, petting and scratching her. the way you feed off of other peoples energy's and whenever someone gets hyped up you do too. they way you could rant on and on about your grandmother who you adore almost as much as i adore you. if soulmates exist, i don't think you're mine but i do think you'll be the one i wish was my soulmate. i don't know if i want to spend the rest of my life with you because i don't know how long that will be but i want you here for now. you make me so much more happier each and every day. i cant even count the nights i've spent thinking about you, whether i'm smiling or crying you're always on my mind and i honestly couldn't wish for it to be anyone else. i'm so sorry for all the pain i've caused you, and i'm sorry that i can't believe you when you say you have felt this way about me. i really wish it's true, but the little voice inside my brain tell me every time that it's not and you never will. i'm sorry i'm this way. i hope one day you can be mine again, and i hope that i won't mess it up like the last time. i never wanted to snap at you like that, i never wanted to see that side of me. countless times i've heard you say you don't want to be in a relationship and i hope to whatever god there is out there that i didn't have any part in that change whatsoever.
it's getting late. i'm writing this at 2:30am. you told me to sleep about thirty minutes ago. i'm sorry. for everything. my dearest lemon boy, you don't deserve to hurt. i don't deserve to have someone as sweet as you.

>Ace
2:36am
6•2•21
🧡