Weighted

7

Harry sighed, locking his phone and tossing it back into his pocket. Relentlessness streamed through his body as if his bones were filled with crawling ants. Normally, he would tell the group that he wasn't up to going, but Cal had been more excited than usual about this particular party, finally getting permission to host the event at his parents massive house while they were away for the weekend. It didn't feel right, or fair, to tap out just because he was feeling nervous.

He eyed himself in the mirror, triple checking that his slightly oversized black t-shirt was tucked perfectly into his skinny black jeans- which he hated. The way they felt on his skin was just so wrong, but he had no other clean clothes left so they had to do.

"Boggo, you good yet?" Tobi called out from the living room, his voice muffled through the thin walls.

Exhaling long and slow, Harry opened the bathroom cabinet and grabbed his Diazepam box, pulling out the tattered foil sheet and searching for a single pill, only to discover that the sheet was completely empty. How long had it been since he'd re-filled his prescription? Harry took another deep breath to calm the swelling anxiety in his chest, before forcefully tossing the empty box into the bathroom bin. He grabbed his phone, wallet and his flat key, jamming them into his pockets and spritzing himself with his nicer cologne.

Tobi was already ready to walk out the door when Harry finally emerged from his room, eyebrow raised at the car key that came flying gently through the air in his direction. Only barely catching it, Harry opened his mouth to ask why, but was swiftly cut off.

"You can drive, I'll probably stay at Cal's with Jj if I end up drinking." Tobi took one more look at himself in the entry way mirror to perfect his hair. "Also, in case you need to escape early, just remember to pick us up tomorrow please."

The cool evening air prickled against Harry's skin as he and Tobi stepped out of the flat. Waiting outside on the patio were Jj and Simon, and if Harry had said that just seeing Simon didn't send a tremor through his body, he'd absolutely be lying.

Harry didn't realise he'd been staring until Tobi elbowed him, gesturing for him to start walking up through the complex and out to where Tobi's car was parked. Jj and Tobi walked on ahead, hand in hand, and Harry tried not to think about how much he'd kill to be able to walk like that with the taller man beside him.

As if reading his thoughts, Harry felt Simon's arm knock against his. He looked up at Simon, unsure if the pink flush on his cheeks was real or just a trick of the streetlights.

"You look really nice." Simon spoke quietly, not loud enough for the men in front to hear. A timid compliment meant only for their ears.

Harry's cheeks lit up with their own blush. "Oh, um, thank you? But speak for yourself. You look amazing." He managed to get the words out, doing his best to sound like he wasn't currently about to have a breakdown over a number of things at once, one of those things in particular being that exact moment of intimate bashfulness between them.

The car ride to Cal's parents house served him no better, Harry trying desperately to keep his eyes on the road and pretend like he didn't notice the way Simon kept eyeing him from the passenger seat. It felt almost too cruel to Harry that his stupid heart would make him take every innocent word or gesture and turn it into a painful reminder that he and Simon were only friends. Nothing more. Simon's compliments and sidelong gazes at him were completely platonic and it hurt.

Who knew, maybe Simon would get drunk enough that Harry could tell him his feelings just for the sheer catharsis of it, without the fear that Simon would remember his words in the morning.

A jolt of anxious pain shot through Harry's chest at the mere thought of doing something so reckless, adding to the cesspool of nerves that had already spent the evening swimming in his churning stomach.

The GPS beeped, bringing him from his thoughts, and cutting over the loud song blasting through the stereo and making them all groan simultaneously.