Feelings

CHAPTER 5

Amelias perspective

FRIENDS. That word was stucked into my heat. It was best than nothing but I didn't wanted to be her friend. I wanted more.

But I'll admit it, that hurt me, I thought that she might feel something as well but I was wrong. I didn't knew who to talk so the only thing I could do was listen to heartbroken songs. In some moment I thought about going to the kitchen and drink tequila, but that only will couse more problems.

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That night I was listening to some body to you by Lewis Capaldi, yes I am so dramatic. I didn't realized how loud it was until Meredith stopped the song.

- Amelia! Turn that off!

- What? Oh I'm sorry - I sat on the bed

- Are you okay?

- Yes, yes, don't worry. I'm sorry - she didn't belive me, I thing that my playlist those days didn't help, it was obvious that I wasn't as good as always.

- Amelia- she seamed worried – I am your sister – then she sat down next to me – you can tell me.

- It's Arizona

- Oh... Wow now I understand the songs – she laugh and she made me laugh too – okay what happened?

- It's a long story - she was waiting an answer or a better explanation so I said – basically we kissed, she avoided me, we talked and now we are friends.- She was confused.

- You are friends? – she asked and I said yes with the head – So what's the problem?

- I don't want to be friends - I sad looking at her

- Oh, I understand. And did you tell her?

- No

- So tell her

- Wow Mer this is such a good advise – I said with sarcasm and she rolled her eyes –I just don't know how – Then she got up

- Amelia just tell her – she walked to the door and said – And put headphones.

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We were in the cafeteria, in front of me was sitting Arizona, next to her Jo and next to me Meredith. We were eating and talking, the someone paged Jo

- Shit - she said getting up – I have to go.

We all said bye to her and then Meredith got up and said

- I have to go - I looked at her confused and she winked with a little smile and then she walked out.

I looked at my food. I knew what Mer was telling me, I breath deeply and I looked at Arizona, se was looking at the floor in silence.

- I have to tell you something - I said without thinking it so much, I just felt ready

- What? – Her blue eyes find mines and I felt week. We stayed looking at eachother a few seconds. I was so nervous.

- Nothing – I finally said and she looked at me confused

Fuck, what did I do? I was stupid. I didn't know what to said. What if she dind't feel anyting for me? What if she really wanted to be just friends? I mean that's what she told me. I felt ridiculous

That same day a few ours later my failed try of telling my feelings to Arizona, I was leaving the hospital when someone pulled my arm and turned me around. It was her, with her smile that could made every war stop.

- Do you want to come dinner? – that question shocked me

- Okay – I was nervious but I didn't showed.