Behind Closed Doors (Erik Menendez)

Five

Monday morning I got to hear all about Di and Laur's nights, each one taking turns to spill all their details and almost in competition for who had the wildest night. Meanwhile, I have a hard time listening. All I can do is watch the entrance for Erik's Ford.

Sunday was a long day. I woke up thinking about Erik, and even caught a glimpse of his tennis lesson outside. I thought about him as I ate breakfast, tanned outside, did homework, ate dinner, and as I brushed my teeth. I thought of ways that I could see him, and even considered taking Layla on a walk by his house. But all I could do is hope he'd just show up for some reason. And he never did.

Back to Monday morning, my heart rate quickens as soon as I see his car pull in. I try my hardest to keep listening to Di and Laur, but all I can do is watch as Erik parks right next to my car. Half of my mouth lifts into a smile, until I notice that Laur notices him too.

"Oh no, hide me! I totally screwed him over on Saturday," she says as she tries to stand behind me and Di. "I feel horrible!"

"What did you do?" I quickly ask.

"You don't wanna know."

"...yes we do," Di and I say in accidental unison.

Laur groans, and then talks quietly as Erik steps out of his car. "Ugh, it's bad. We almost had sex in Grant's parents' room! We were making out and I even sucked his... oh, god! Then I left with Jared and..." she keeps talking but I suddenly don't hear her anymore. My chest feels like a giant anvil has been dropped on top of it and it feels like I can't breathe. My cheeks are on fire and my palms begin to sweat. Are you fucking kidding me? And he says he didn't like her?

I feel like I've been betrayed and lied to. My eyes follow Erik as he grabs his tennis racket from the backseat, and then begins walking towards us. He looks especially handsome this morning, his wavy hair still a bit wet from a shower, and his skin just glowing in the morning sun. However, I still feel like grabbing his racket and hitting him over the head with it.

"I'm gonna go inside," I tell the girls, not even waiting for a response. I hastily walk away from them and towards the front doors of the school.

I sit in homeroom with 5 other kids until the first bell finally rings. Everyone else starts flooding in, and I'm dreading the moment that Erik waltzes in. I can't face him right now. I am absolutely furious, yet to him, I have no reason to be. He thinks that I have no feelings towards him.

So, I pull out a notebook and try to finish some homework that's due on Wednesday. I try to write intensely so that when he shows up, he may not disturb me as much.

Not long after, I see a figure come into view from the corner of my eye and then sit down, that familiar Old Spice and aftershave filling my nose. I don't say a word. To my dismay, he turns around in his seat.

"Studious, are we?" He remarks. Please, just stop.

I respond with a quiet, fake laugh, not looking up from my paper once. He doesn't get the hint. "What are you working on?"

I use my pencil to point to the heading, which reads Functional Analysis. "Ah. Math?"

He just won't stop. "Yep," I reply. "Look, I should just finish this. We can talk later." I finally look up at him and watch as his face falls at my words. He looks like a sad little boy. My heart twinges and I can't help but feel awful, but I keep my guard up.

"Oh, alright," he says and turns around.

It eats at me all day long. I can hardly pay attention in class and all I can focus on is the constant pit in my stomach. Every time I think of Laur and Erik my heart pounds, and I get even more angry when I remember that I have no right to be mad. After all, I did tell Erik I don't have feelings for him in that way.