Yearning

Ch. 1 - Angel & Demon

January 2023

I tiptoed as the sea waves slowly collided on my feet, as the sun's above the flawless, azure sky tries to torture me, as if I am still an outsider who's been here in this coastal town of Sydney, Australia for the very first time. I rolled my pants up more so they won't get wet and unbuttoned two of my polo buttons. Playfully walking between the sand and shallow part of the water. Enjoying the few swarms of people doing their activity.

Listening to the sea waves as it resonates in my ears, calming my once tumultuous inner peace. Looking at the horizon in front of me, staring and mesmerizing it without a reason. I smiled and go even further, tiptoeing as I feel this moment of serenity that I am having right now. I just got home from work which is recently the reason for my stress nowadays and needed a break free from the bounds of chains it has on me, that's why I ended up here on the beach on a whim. Tired from the endless walking and tiptoeing, I decided to sit on a nearby beach deck and once again indulged myself with the horizon in front of me. The mid-January weather here is surely the best way to escape the igloo houses in the arctic region and let the penguins take their weekend vacation. I wiggled my feet in the water as it submerges a little; feeling cold and fresh. My eyes darted back again on the horizon, thinking about the decisions that I made, wondering if I've done the best so far, and not feeling self-reproached even by a mere one percent on it.

It's been 2 years already after I decided to leave my own country and took my chances to live here, so far surviving and enjoying the lone companion of myself. You see, we're still young, wild, free, and beautiful. Also stupid, stubborn, and reckless, but it's fun. You have to live the way you want to, overcome the world with who you truly are, and not for who you want to be. We tend to dream before we get to sleep, we rush to run before we can walk away from everything, and we learn to love before we could learn to love ourselves. I'm just one of those people, those that are in dire need of an escape from the deceitful reality, and it just happened one day, you know. I woke up realizing that I needed to go somewhere far away. That I needed to have an adventure of my own and leave everything behind. 

I sighed as a wave of nostalgia crashed through my mind as I thought of it. Lost in my thoughts, my phone vibrated in my pants pocket, indicating that I got notifications from whoever disturbed my self-time right now. I took out my phone to see how very important this notification is and viola, it came from my Instagram notification. Ever since I left the country, I stopped opening all of my social media accounts, but I can't bear myself to uninstall all of them, so I left them there hanging and all notifications and messages have been left untouched for almost 2 years also. I regretted taking a look at it as I saw the recent messages that were sent to me. 

"Hi, it's me, Kyle. It's been 2 years already since you left. I just want to say that... I am missing your presence dearly, anyway if ever you read this, kindly reach out, please..." 

I let out another sigh as I closed my phone and shoved it back into my pocket, deciding whether to get up and go home, or stay and enjoy this lazy January's mid-afternoon. And then, the past drifted in my thoughts on its own free will, flashing back all those memories inside my head. And I just sat there in the deck and stared back again at the horizon for a brief moment before closing my eyes. I decided to stay and enjoy being a lazy person once in a while.

January 2014

The first time we met each other, we're like "Tom & Jerry" in real life. Always bickering with each other, constantly nagging each other, insulting, and worst—hating each other. Well, I can confidently say, the mentioned disputes were more likely done on his part. I am just way too submissive and patient despite all the things that happened between us. It first started when I joined our organization team for the first time; he was not there during our (my) first welcome party that was held by the senior team. I met him later on during an event, which I was invited to by one of the senior team that I got to know during our welcome party, just to officially get to know me well—which I am grateful for that given my timid personality.