Naan Hearts

Today was the day.

Darpak had been counting down the days until June 1st. The day that could change his life, for the better, or for worse.

Deep inside, there was a glimmer of hope that his family would accept him for being gay. He had dreamed so hard that his mother would wrap her arms around him, whispering in his ear that she loved him no matter what. He dreamed of his father patting his shoulders, telling Darpak that he was proud of him. He dreamed that his siblings would look up to him as a fearless brother. He dreamed that everything would be okay.

Darpak was quietly working away in the kitchen, preparing a dinner that was sure to wow his family. Maybe this wouldn't sway their decisions about Darpak's coming out, but it was a kind gesture, meant to show the love that he held for them. As he began chopping onions, he wondered if after dinner, the same love would be reciprocated back to him.

Darpak knew Indian food was the way to his parents' hearts as he added his blend of spices to the simmering curry. He bent down to check on the chicken cooking in the oven, the outside turning a golden crisp. He knew this would be the best meal he cooked in a long time.

Darpak leaned against the marble counter, his mind drifting to a sweet childhood memory.

Darpak and his mom were standing in the same exact kitchen, preparing lunch together. His mom was making naan, rolling out the dough to create a circle.

"Ma, can I make the naan into different shapes?" Darpak asked.

"Of course Darpak! You can carefully cut this naan with the knife," his mother instructed.

Seven year old Darpak carved the naan with a knife cautiously, holding his breath in hopes of not messing it up. Once completed, he lifted up the dough to show his mom a heart. Although a little lopsided and certainly not symmetrical, Darpak poured his heart into creating it. Wasn't it the effort that truly mattered?

"Oh Darpak, it's beautiful!" his mom laughed. "Why a heart?"

"Because I love you!" little Darpak exclaimed, unaware of the effect those words had on his mom.

"I love you too, beta," his mom whispered into Darpak's ear, wrapping him in a tight hug. "I'll always love you."

Although Darpak was young, he was definitely old enough to know his mother's words were true.

The kitchen timer rang out, telling Darpak the chicken was ready. As he began finishing up all of the dishes, he brought each one to the dining table, one by one.

"What's that smell Darpak?" his sister, Aanya, asked as she trotted down the stairs.

"Dinner," he chuckled. "Go call everyone to come eat, Aanya."

Aanya did as she was told and soon enough, the members of Darpak's family filed into the dining room, amazed at the wide selection of foods.

"Darpak, why did you cook all this food for us?" his mom asked softly.

"I just wanted to do something nice for you guys," Darpak shrugged. "Now come sit and eat, I need to know how I did!"

Darpak sat next to his mom and younger brother, Manan. Across from him, his father was seated along with Aanya. The family of five dug into the mouth-watering food Darpak made, making sure to try a bite of everything. Everyone's plates were filled, mouths stuffed. Everyone except Darpak.

The sinking feeling in his stomach grew, making him unable to enjoy his own food. Darpak felt as if he was free falling, heart beating out of his chest, his arms laying limply by his sides. Deep breaths. In, and out, in and out. It had to happen now.

Finally, after a prolonged silence, Darpak was able to muster up enough courage to say the words that have been stuck in his throat for months.

"Guys, I made this dinner to tell all of you something," Darpak croaked, his voice starting off shaky and delicate.

"What is it?" Manan asked.

Darpak looked into his father's eyes and then glanced at his mother. You will be accepted. Everything will be okay.

"I'm gay."

The words hung in the air surrounded by a silence so thick and lifeless. No one moved, no one spoke. Darpak had to look around to see if everyone was even breathing. His mom glanced at her husband, waiting for him to speak.

"No you're not."

Three words that shattered Darpak's heart. He hadn't expected that whatsoever. Perhaps he dreamed about the perfect scenario so many times that it clouded the reality of what could really happen. Now he had to live through that painful truth.

"But I am, baba. This is who I am," Tears dared to fall from Darpak's eyes as he endured the ever growing pain in his heart. "I'm gay," he said the words with great conviction, as if saying it again would change his father's opinion.

"Stop it, Darpak. You're not," his words were ice cold, shattering Darpak's hearts into pieces beyond repair. Without warning, Darpak's father got up from his chair, food half eaten, anger to the maximum. He stormed off, leaving Darpak with tears streaming down his face and a deadly silence lingering in the air.

Darpak felt an arm around him, gentle and warm. He looked to his left to see his mother cradling him.

"It's okay, beta," his mom whispered. "I accept you. I'm so proud you told us."

Sad tears turned into happy ones and for now, Darpak could forget the way his father acted. With his mother by his side, this was all he needed for now.

"I'll always love you, no matter what," his mother's words were his medicine, healing his broken heart, never failing to comfort him.

"Thank you, ma," Darpak hugged her back, tears quickening.

As mother and son shared a moment so deep and meaningful, Darpak knew everything would be okay.