The Secrets Buried With Us | COMPLETE

Flashback 1| Callum

CALLUM LOOKED AT HIMSELF in the foggy hospital mirror and grimaced. His arms were practically sticks underneath the baggy hospital gown, his eyes hollow and almost lifeless. His lips were chapped, his throat constantly dry and raw.

Chemotherapy had caused his curls to start falling out until he was completely bald. I look ugly, he told himself, Like a newborn rat. Ashamed, he started wearing a knit cap over his head which felt slightly uncomfortable against his bare head.

He missed going to school, but he was almost grateful that nobody had to see him like this. The last thing he wanted was for them to pity him, to treat him differently, and label him as the kid who survived cancer.

How could they say he was surviving when it felt like every day a piece of him was dying? Every day, his condition seemed to worsen as he fell deeper and deeper into depression. There was no trace of hope left for him in life. He knew it, his mother knew it, and so did the doctors.

Still, they encouraged him to stay strong and told him that the pain was only temporary. They gave him meds to numb the physical pain, but what was going on in his mind seemed to hurt more. It was another battle there. Callum would never forget how horrible his father's death had been.

Just like Callum, he had cancer and spent the last days of his life begging to die. He didn't want to live in pain anymore, what was the point? Callum's mother had gone to ask about medical assistance in dying for her son. She didn't want him to die the same way her late husband had. Callum didn't have his hopes set too high.

He knew that if he did set them too high, he'd be deeply disappointed, and sadly he was right. His mother's request had been flicked away like it was a mere speck of dirt.

Callum sat back down on the edge of his bed, watching as crystal raindrops landed and trickled down the small windows of his hospital room. He loved the sound they made and the way they seemed to disappear into the crack at the bottom of the window. Strangely, he found himself longing to disappear that way too.

He wanted to die. Medical assistance in dying was illegal in Newport. It was considered murder, and according to the law he had to die naturally. Callum was exhausted, the kind of exhaustion that no amount of sleep could cure. A knock at his door caused Callum's head to whip towards the direction of the sound. This surprised him, visitors became rarer and rarer these days.

Callum thought that most of his friends stopped visiting him because they were just too sad to look at his face anymore. He couldn't blame them. Being with him in the hospital was something comparable to attending his funeral. This only made Callum a little more frustrated.

The last thing he wanted was a pity party where everywhere was weeping and saying they were there for him whenever they needed him. Lies, these were all lies. Where were his true friends when he needed them? As if answering his questions, Callum looked up to see a happy face peek through the door.

Standing in the doorframe was a grinning Nick, wearing his usual faded band t-shirt, his dark hair dripping wet from the rain. Callum gave him a small smile, waving for him to enter. Nick's wet shoes made a weird squishing sound against the tiled floors.

"Hey Cal, how's it going? " Nick said, plopping down on the chair next to Callum's bed. His hand reached out to pat Callum on the back amicably, and Callum hoped he didn't feel how boney his arms had become.

It was strange and scary to him that someone who used to be so athletic and play on almost every sports team had managed to lose so much weight at rapid speed.

"I'm doing great," Callum lied, ignoring the throbbing pain in his head.

"What do you have there?" He nodded towards the computer in his hand. Nick pushed the laptop in Callum's direction.

"I brought some of the old movies we watched last summer, remember them, Cal? Those were some good times."

Of course, Callum remembered them. Last summer was the first time that the doctors had told him that his cancer had gone away. The boys had spent the majority of their time cooped up in Nick's room playing video games, but to Callum, it was the highest point in his life.

He had been able to spend a little while outside of the hospital before he had been informed that it was a false alarm, and then it was back to the hospital again. Callum nodded slowly, shifting non-stop as he tried to make himself a little more comfortable on the rock-solid bed.

"I would offer you some food but the hospital food tastes like dog crap. I wouldn't recommend you eat the pudding here. Learned that the hard way, " Callum half-joked, and Nick let out his signature hearty laugh. The hospital food was mediocre at best.

"That's quite all right. I got us some snacks from the vending machine on the way up anyway."
Nick reached into his backpack and pulled out Callum's favorite cheese puffs, watching with delight as his eyes lit up. He tossed them to Callum, who caught them in one swift motion. Callum's fist punched the air half-heartedly.

"My favourite, thanks," he mumbled through mouthfuls of cheese puffs.

"Now, what movie are we watching?" After a couple of minutes, the boys settled on a movie and Callum scooted closer to the computer to get a better look. Halfway through the movie, Callum realized he was no longer paying attention to the movie, but rather thinking about how perfect Nick's life seemed. Everybody knew and loved Nick.

It was only impossible not to. Even Callum couldn't help but admire him.A horrid thought came to his mind; if he killed Nick and got caught, he would surely be killed for it. It was extremely selfish when Callum thought about it, but Callum couldn't see any other reasonable choice.

He knew he didn't want to live the last moments of his life in suffering and that all he wanted to do was die peacefully. Maybe there was a way to end his suffering, after all, a way for him to finally be at peace. Sometime during the movie, the rain had stopped.

The sun peeked out through the dark clouds, and bright rays of light illuminated the once dark sky.

"Well, it was good seeing you, Cal. I'll text you alright? Don't be a stranger," Nick said as he packed up his things and got ready to leave, his almond-shaped eyes crinkling from his wide smile.

Callum thanked Nick again and he left, tossing the snack wrappers into the garbage before leaving Callum with the terrible choices that he was considering making.