The Future I See With You

Prologue

Minamahal kong Miguel,

Hi love!
If you're reading this, I'm probably ... in a better place, peaceful. Hopefully.
I'm sure you did all you could to save me. I'm sure I told you already that I am okay, whatever happens, whatever outcome, as long as you were by my side the whole time. As long as you were there ... at my last moments.

I'm proud of you.

I hope you know that. That even in my last moments I was thinking of you. And a future with you. I want you to know that I was fighting as much as you were. You have worked so hard! To be one of the greatest in your field! Although I know ang rason mo talaga ay ako, at alam ko na hindi mo kailangan ang mapansin ka pa ng mundo para alamin mo yon, ngunit sa galing mong yan? Di na ako magtataka bakit kahit sa ibang bansa kinuhuha ka.

But you stayed by me. Like we promised.

I may not have promised you forever in front of our whole family and in front of the Lord in a more official way. But I promised you the every day I had. I promised to give you what I could of that day as our 'good morning'. I promised you every day that I will give only you the love I have been blessed with. And you did the same. We promised each other, every morning of every day we spent with a prayer to our Maker.

15 years. Damn, baby!

'Di ka ba nagsawa sa akin? We spent that much time together! Yet it was not enough. And oo, alam ko, na ang bata pa natin at ang dami pa natin sana naiabot ng magkasama. Only if I stayed a little longer noh? But I guess fate has its own ways talaga. We can't fight with fate. 15 years yet we were still young and had a whole future ahead of us. 15 years yet our adventures only started. Millions of food were yet to be discovered. 15 years yet the photos we took will not suffice. 15 years yet many words were still unsaid. Many moments were still unexperienced. Many hugs and kisses were not given. 15 years pero parang kulang pa rin ang oras na ibinigay sa atin para sa isa't isa.

You might be crying at this point.

I hope you are 'cus I was kinda senti back there, not gonna lie! But I want you happy. Okay? For the rest of the days, you live without me. I hope you remain happy. Be grateful, still. Because my gratitude for having you overflows. See the world in my eyes this time, okay? See the beauty in the little things like I did. Open your heart and eyes to everything like how I did. Mag good morning ka sa mga kapit-bahay. Yung mga aso wag mo pababayaan. Magulang mo at magulang ko, lagi mo bibisitahin ha! Mga kapatid rin natin! My friends, my best friend ... grieve and heal with these people who have surrounded me my entire life. You all will go through the same thing. Probably ...

Go to church, oki? Wag mo kakalimutan si Lord!

Siya na lang lagi mong kasama sa mga laban na tatahakin mo na wala ako. Unless ... try to love again? Open your heart to someone new maybe ... 8? ..10? ..Years? After me? HAHA, just a slight joke! Pero seryoso. Buksan mo puso mo ulit, baka may iba ka pang pwede mahalin. Hayaan mong mahalin ka na ng iba. Bibiyayaan kita noon. Ibubulong ko kay Lord, malakas ka naman sakin, at malakas ako sa Kanya. I want to watch you grow to be a great man, greater than what I have already seen you be. And I want you to share your achievements with someone who can stick by you, unlike me. Nawala man ako sa tabi mo, sana mabigyan ka ulit ni Lord ng taong tatabi sayo, at didikit sayo kahit ano man mangyari. At sana ... hindi siya tulad ko.

Naaalala mo Nung una mo akong nakita?

You were not fond of me or of someone like me. But I was so persistent, noh? Nung una mo akong nakita di naman yun ang una kong pagkita sayo. Halos ilang buwan rin kita pinapanood sa malayo. I was not fond of people like you either. But there was just something that magnetized me to you. And I guess, never nawala yon... until now. Kaya let someone have that magnetic pull I once felt with you. Because it changed me. It changed my perspective on love. It changed my meaning of life. It changed my reasons for service and thanksgiving.

Miguel, my love.
I wish for you to still look at the sky in awe as you remember me, this time, I'm looking back at you. I wish for you to still feel the warmth of the ocean breeze as if it were me embracing you. I wish for you to still explore the depths of the sea and the wonders of the forest as if they were to hold my darkest secrets that you once dove into and let light seep through the cracks of my once broken pieces. I wish you would go through every day of your life with me in your heart, still. I know that I will always find a home in you. I know that you will live not just to survive but to feel again after grieving well over me. Damahin mo lahat ng posible mong madama sa buhay mo. Minsan lang yan. Alam mo yon. Live a life worthy of me to watch over.

I love you. Never forget that. I always will.

Even from afar. Because that's how I have loved you from the start.

Sinisilayan ka,

Reign