Desperate Lies | Jilix/Changlix/Chanlix

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I don't remember anything from after Changbin shot me until I woke up. I couldn't even say where he shot me. There was no marking, no wound, no pain anywhere. When I woke up, I felt just like I had before it happened. The only difference was the highly bitter and sour bile taste in my mouth.

I opened my eyes and gasped for air, the top half of my body jolting up. When I stopped to look around me, I noticed that Minho was right in that I would wake up in a church. I didn't recognize the building, though. It wasn't the church that I grew up in. This one was small and made out of mostly wood, with a blue carpet lining the floors. There was also a ginormous Jesus figure suspended in the air above my head. 

I didn't see anyone on the alter, which was strange, but the pews were also empty. As I looked to see if there was anyone in the building besides me, I saw a figure walking out, and after careful observation, I noticed that it was probably Changbin.

When I looked down, I saw that I was in an ornate black wooden casket with a black velvet lining inside. I ran my hands over the fabric to see what it felt like and make sure that I was actually alive. I could feel the fibers of the fabric gliding across my palms. I enjoyed the softness and the strange feeling that resided on my hands when I lifted them away.

The casket was fully open, so I was able to lift myself out quite easily. The hardest part of getting out was not knocking it over when I brought one leg after the other over the wooden edge. When I was out of the casket, I fell to my knees and realized that I had to quickly relearn how to hold myself up and walk after not having walked for however long I was dead. After crawling pathetically down the stairs of the altar, I began taking a few weak and slow steps. I grew confident and tried to walk slightly faster than before. I didn't think about it, but whoever was in charge of burying the casket would be in for a show when they saw it empty.

I was able to make it out of the church without falling, but that was only with the help of the pew ends. Thankfully, they were at the proper height for my hand to reach and hold on to. When I stumbled out of the front doors, I looked around and saw Changbin standing by a car that I assumed was his until I saw Minho in the driver's seat.

"You could've helped me out there! I saw you walk out!" I yelled as I marched as best I could over to them. There was no one else in the parking lot to see the man they assumed to be dead and buried walking around, angry. I must've had the strangest funeral since there was no procession to bury me. 

"You got out fine, didn't you? I couldn't be seen lingering around." Changbin sneered as he opened the back door for me. I slumped in, falling against the seat, glad to be sitting again.

I pulled the seat belt over my chest, letting it click in place before I responded. "Oh, you know, I almost knocked the casket off the stand and almost fell like a thousand times, but yeah, I was fine. Also, there was no one in there, so no one was gonna see you," I argued as Minho pulled out of the parking space and onto the main road after Changbin had entered the car and buckled himself in.

"Keyword: almost," Minho pointed out, a smile plastered on his face as he drove and looked into the rear-view mirror briefly to look at me.

I rolled my eyes at him, still annoyed that I was left by myself, risking getting caught if there was secretly someone left in the church. At least I made it out safely without damaging anything. That was the one thing that I was happy about, and rightfully so. 

"So, Jisung. What was dying like?" Changbin suddenly asked, twisting his body in the passenger seat to look at me.

"I don't remember anything. I know there are a lot of people who say that they "saw the light" or whatever, but I don't remember seeing anything."

"Are you a Christian?"

"Yeah."

"Interesting," Minho whispered, still completely focused on the road in front of him.

"What's so interesting about that?" I asked, skeptical as to what he meant and whether I should've been offended.

"Well, I'm not, personally. I'm an atheist, so to me, it kind of just proves that nothing happens after you die."

"I didn't say nothing happened. I just don't remember. Something may have happened. But I didn't have a conscience when I died, so how would I remember any of it?" I asked.

"I guess that's true," Minho replied, tilting his head in thought. "Though it would've been funny if you went to Hell."

I leaned forward and smacked the back of his head. It wasn't hard enough of a blow to make us crash, but it was hard enough for him to know that I was not too fond of the comment, though I had to admit, it was a little funny.

Changbin returned to his normal position in his seat, looking at the road in front of us. "It's kind of upsetting that you don't remember. I would've liked to know."

"Oh well, I guess," I replied with a sigh. I, too, would've liked to know, but that didn't seem to be the case.

"I get that, but at least you still have something to look forward to when you die. It's like a bit of mystery!" Minho said enthusiastically.

"You didn't see like, a float or anything? No parade?" Changbin asked. I understood his reference but didn't want to acknowledge it. I wasn't in the mood for joking around since I had just woken up from death not even ten minutes before. 

"No."

"What? You upset that your father didn't take you to see a marching band?" Minho asked teasingly. The two of them were acting like they were on the same brain wave that was made to torture me.

"You're not funny." I crossed my arms over my chest and looked out the window, ignoring their comments. I knew they were just playing around, and I shouldn't have gotten as upset as I did about it, but I was still frustrated about everything I had gone through before and after my death.

There wasn't much to look at as we drove through the city and suburbs that I hadn't seen already. I continued to watch everything fly by anyway since I didn't want to interact with the two children in the front that were operating the vehicle and giving directions. I was left to my thoughts as I watched all the familiar buildings pass us, not paying attention to where we were headed.

I didn't realize how ruthless my mind could be until I stopped talking to Minho and Changbin and focused on thinking. It wasn't something that I did a lot, mostly out of fear. I would always feel the effects of what I was thinking afterward, but I always forgot the thought that made me feel that way. Now that I was listening in, I understood why.

My mind was stuck on Felix. Despite everything, for some reason, I still found myself longing for him. I still loved him. Even after finding out that he was cheating on me with two other people, one of which was planning my demise while simultaneously helping me, I still wanted him. Surely, he had to know what Chan was doing. There was no way he wouldn't have known. I mean, if he came home one night and found out that I was missing and then got a call that I was actually dead, I would like to think that he would get upset about it. But then again, even if he didn't know and got that call, he probably wouldn't care and just move on.

Why would I still love someone like that? Why did my brain still try to convince me that he cared about me and loved me when it was clear that he didn't? If I'm honest, I still find myself thinking about him occasionally, even after everything. I knew that it was unrequited love, but I had devoted more than three years of my life to him. I was stuck on him.

I was then pulled back into reality when Minho slammed on the brakes causing me to fly forward into Changbin's seat in front of me. I tried to grab something to stop the motion, but it was too late when I found my face buried in the front seat's fabric.

I pushed myself off of it, breathing heavily, and coughed as the seatbelt had locked at the very last minute and ended up choking me partially. I removed the seatbelt and rubbed where it had given me a burn.

"What the fuck was that, Minho?" I asked, utterly oblivious to everything around me and only focused on my circumstances.

"We're here, you dumbass. Did you look outside?"

I followed his orders and turned my head to look out the window and saw that we were, in fact, at Changbin's house. "Oh. Sorry," I smiled and rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly. "My bad."