the story of my life

forgive≠forget

I cried myself to sleep. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to leave so bad, but I gave up everything for you, no house, I got rid of my car because you bought me one, you convinced me to decrease the hours I was working and that you would pay for everything.

I woke up to banging on my bedroom door. Fear took over my body. "Elizabeth wake up and open the damn door" you yelled.

I froze, tears of fear slipped down my cheeks. I knew things would only be worse if I didn't let you in. So there I was unlocking and slowly opening the door. My hands trembling.

As i opened the door, our eyes met. We just stood there staring at each other.

Tears fell down my face. As I stared into your eyes.

"I'm sorry" you whispered. It only made me cry more. I wondered in that moment if I still meant something, anything to you. Or if I was just a side chick you took home from the bar and couldn't get rid of.

"I can leave if you want" I mumbled. Looking down as my vision blurred with tears. I let out a small sob.

My heart ached. I didn't want to leave. Not one bit. I loved you to much to even think about leaving. But i guess if it made things better for you, I would have.

"no please don't leave-" my heart lit up as you said that before continuing "- what did I do last night" you asked.

I let out another quiet sob still failing to look up and meet your eyes.

Just thinking about last night brought me instant tears. "Uhm-" I started before letting out another sob. I didn't even want to say it.

"Please love, please just say what I said or did" you begged.

I nodded, still looking down. "you said that- that you f-fucked some girls" I said before breaking into sobs, before continuing, "you said I was killing your vibe, and- and then I gu-guess I didn't understand, b-because you yelled at me to g-get out of your sight" I cried quickly trying to hold as much sobs as I could. I broke down.

Your hand went under my armpits as you lifted me up, my legs wrapped around your hips as I cried into your shoulder. You walked over to the bed and sat down me still clung onto you for dear life.

"I-I'm so sorry sweetheart. I-I didn't have sex with anyone I pro- promise. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" you sniffled into my shoulder.

I will admit I was surprised to hear someone like you cry to me. I didn't think I had meant that much to you. Or maybe I didn't maybe you were just a really good actor.

"It's okay" I mumbled. "No, no it's not, I'm so so sorry, it's never okay to yell at you even if I was drunk" you said guilt in your voice as you hugged me tighter.

We stayed like that for a good 30 minutes. I didn't hesitate to forgive you, I forgave you the first time you said sorry.

We got cleaned up and went out to a lunch. You still apologized like every second. I was really convinced you were sorry.

Published June 5th