No Aliens Allowed

- Eleven -

dedicated to @apathetiic for the brilliant compliment she gave me. no seriously you don't know how happy I was for that. 

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penn

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. I couldn't think. 

The world was spinning out of control. It felt like someone had grabbed hold of my insides, squeezing me. 

It hurt. 

Oh my god, it hurt. The panic, choking me, the anxiety, gripping my chest and my mind and not letting me the fuck go. 

I took a breath, but even to my ears it sounded weak. 

I managed to open my eyes, to force past the pure, undiluted panic of what could be out there. 

So many people rushing past, pushing, grabbing. Sweat and beer and dancing and no space. 

I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe -- 

"Penn," Kali called me. It sounded like she was at the end of a long tunnel. 

"We have to get him out of here," Starboard said. Another rush of cold passed over me and my consciousness wavered. But I caught some of things that he said -- something about my rep and my health. 

Fuck. I let him do this, and I practically owed him my goddamn life. 

I felt warm hands touch my face. Kali. What did she think of me now, that my great and terrible secret was revealed. 

"You have to get up," she said, her voice cracking. 

Please don't cry. It's fucking terrifying. 

"Please," she begged. "Get up, Penn. Come on." 

The small part of my brain that wasn't going crazy pushed at my sluggish limbs. 

I can't breathe. There's no space. Too many people. They hate me. Why are they so close? I can't breathe. Let me pass out. 

I struggled to sit up, but goddamn -- Kali helped me, lifting me. 

I lifted my eyelids, my head swimming. That was the worst attack I'd felt in years. 

A combination of the alcohol and the fact that I'd skipped my pills, I suppose. 

The lights were too bright, drilling into my skull with a fierce intensity. 

I retched again, but focused on Kali. 

I reached for her, not caring how stupid or foolish I looked. 

She was beautiful. And she hadn't left me on the street like I was a loser piece of shit. She grabbed my hand tightly in hers. 

"Allen, could you help?" She asked, wiping the tears off her face. "Come on, we're getting you home," she said. 

Home? No no no, she couldn't do that. 

I shook my head, or tried to. I almost passed out again. But I was slowly regaining my mind, my heartbeat slowing down. 

Starboard came over and hauled my ass off the curb. 

Then I repaid the favor by vomiting all over his shoes. Kali rubbed my back and Starboard -- well, he looked fucking nonchalant.

"Just a side effect," he noted. "Do not worry. The main effects of the panic attack have passed. I've reached the conclusion that it was brought on by the overwhelming amount of people back there mixed with the fact that you had drunk too much alcohol for someone your age. Actually, there was a 98.78% chance you would've gotten alcohol poisoning."