Worth It (UNDER REVISION)

Uno

"How can you say that you're a good dancer and you're not? How can you say that you're a good singer? A good producer? A lyricist?"

That's what's running in Soonyoung's mind as he watch the performers on the stage, one of them is singing, his voice is beautiful and from what Soonyoung heard, it's the singer's self-produced and composed song, amazing right? But beside the singer is not much different, two boys, a duo are dancing gracefully and according to his classmates they are also self choreographed, a collaboration of a singer and dancers, great right?

Not when Soonyoung is tightly gripping the straps of his bag, the envy bubbling inside him is getting in his head. Thoughts started to form, making him feel sick. It's fine to feel envy right? To feel jealous over something you wish you had, you was too. It should be fine but in Soonyoung's case it's not, not when those performers are his friends, his friends that he encourage to pursue they're dream of performing, he's proud of them, he really is, but the envy, the jealousy, the thoughts in his mind says otherwise.

Soonyoung walk away, leaving the main square where the school setted up a stage. He can't watch anymore, he can't stay in the area where everything that he pushed at the back of his mind slowly surfaced, catching him off-guard. He make his way to the east side of the campus where an abandoned building is standing. Classes were once held in the building but once the school started to get thousands to millions of donations, they started to build another building which is at the west side of the campus and it all happened when they started to include performing arts in their curriculum.

Arriving at the building, Soonyoung slip past the 'Do not enter' sign and proceeded to an abandoned classroom. No one knows about Soonyoung's passion on dancing even his friends and he's not planning to tell any of them. Finally entering the classroom, Soonyoung close the unexpectedly undamaged door. He set his bag on the floor by the corner. Not wanting somebody to suspect his soon-to-be sweat drenched uniform, Soonyoung took it off, and just like his unknown passion to dancing, Soonyoung's body is toned in all right places. Sure he doesn't have those toned abs that the school jocks have but anyone who will see Soonyoung without his dress shirt would be shocked, amazed even.

Making sure that his dress shirt is nearly folded, Soonyoung stand in the middle of the room, with only the song playing inside his mind, he started to dance, pouring all his ranging emotions on every move, escaping the reality that makes him feel like he's only Soonyoung, nothing more, nothing less.

Suddenly his friends faces flashes in his mind, performing in the stage passionately like they're made for it.

'Is your passion not enough?'

'Are you not made for it?'

'Maybe you're really not'

'Cause no matter what you do it's not enough'

'Cause you're a coward'

'Hiding in the--'

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" Soonyoung shouted to no one but the voice in his head. He stopped dancing few seconds ago, now kneeling on the classroom's cemented floor, hands clutched between he's hands. But it seems like his mind really love to torture him, because suddenly he see Jihoon in his mind, his once pretty smile is now a mocking one. And so Soonyoung is asking "Why? Why Jihoon? There's nothing wrong with Jihoon... He's... He's perfect"

'He's perfect, yes, and you're not'

"THAT'S NOT TRUE"

'Yes it is'

'NO! YOU'RE WRONG! YOU'RE WRONG!'

'You wish you were like him, appreciated, loved, worth--'

"STOP! STOP! STOP!"

But no matter how hard Soonyoung clutched his head or tug his hair, it's useless because the voices in his head gets louder and louder, slipping him into complete darkness.

"Jihoon, Jihoon, Jihoon--" Soonyoung whisper Jihoon's name like a broken mantra wishing that maybe Jihoon will hear him, hear his cries, his pleads because he's tired, he's exhausted, his only safe place, his escape has become his cage.

Lee Jihoon was once like Soonyoung, shy and doubtful, his beautiful music is hidden in the four walls of his secret studio and Soonyoung is the only one, the only person who knows his own escape. But everything changed when the school announced the availability of the performing arts curriculum and Soonyoung saw the happiness and excitement in Jihoon's beautiful eyes and he knew there and then that he needed to convince his little friend to apply which he did. Then there's Wen Junhui, another friend of his, and what Jihoon called as his 'Gemini twin' because both of them are born on the same month, only Jun is few days older. Jun is different from Jihoon especially Soonyoung, because unlike them, Jun's love and passion for dancing is not hidden, he didn't bother to hide it but he's scared, doubtful and so Soonyoung, being a good friend like he always is, encourage Jun. But aside from Jun, there's Xu Minghao, the Chinese transferee, he's quiet, of course he is, his limited Korean deprive him from being sociable but he has Jun, who always help him in everything but despite this fact, Jun had a hard time in convincing Minghao to apply for the curriculum and it's not because he's shy or doubtful, it's because he just thought it's plainly stupid while side eyeing Soonyoung. But in the end because of Soonyoung's persuasion skill he said yes, but before he did, he said the words that Soonyoung should've believe in the first place. Then there's him Kwon Soonyoung, a selfless guy, who hides within the four walls of an abandoned classroom, his thoughts became his own nightmare and he don't know how to escape.

Note: I'm rlly srry for grammatical errors if there are any, coz english is not my first language.