A Promise To Fulfill

The Good and Bad Times

August 10, 1941
Kyiv, Ukraine

We arrived early that morning and met up with our other panzer divisions. They were getting ready for the offensive on Kyiv. It was a four-day journey and my crew was really exhausted.

"Welcome to Kyiv boys," I told them as everyone (except Gabriel, since he was driving) woke up.

Schröder yawn loudly while Nicolaus stretched. Finn on the other hand was still asleep. Schröder tapped his shoulder and he was startled. Schröder told Finn some jokes which seemed to piss him off as I told them to knock it off. I got off my tank and met up with the other tank commanders. Our commanding officer was telling us the details about the operation in Kyiv. 

"It's simple. We'll be encircling the Soviet forces in Kyiv." Our commanding officer said. "But we'll have to meet up with the other tank divisions if we were to succeed." He added. 

Everyone seemed to agree on the plan. Although, many of us were still skeptical about it. Instead of launching a major offensive in Moscow, we still had to use up our time on securing our flanks. Even though it made some sense, the winter was near and our goal is to capture Moscow before it. "Our flanks were strong as it is," one tank commander even said as were traveling to Kyiv. If only we knew that this move would cost us the outcome of the Battle of Moscow.

After the briefing, we were sent to the tents to eat and rest. Again, some of the men there were glancing at me. I was not surprised because I was one of the only women who was a tank commander. But still, it disturbs me every once in a while. We were able to grab our food and find a seat. While we were eating, Schröder was telling a lot of funny stories about their time in the academy. Mostly about "Finn's Glorious Moments" in Nicolaus' words. Finn was not happy with it obviously and I just continued to laugh while listening to their stories. I could sit there and listen to it for hours, honestly. But I don't want Finn to feel bad for himself. Eventually, things fell quiet for a moment since Schröder did not want to waste all of his tales about Finn just yet.

"Do you have any stories to share, Kommandantin?" Finn asked me.

I looked at him briefly and said, "Well, I don't have any stories as funny as Schröder's."

"It doesn't have to be funny," Nicolaus said. "Maybe something you thought was interesting during your previous battles." He added. 

I sat quietly, trying to think of good moments I had during my career. I continued to eat my food as it would help me think better.

"I think I do have a few," I told them.

The story I told them was the one time when I was in France.  We were in this tank engagement with some French tanks. The term we always used for it was "Steel Baguettes" because of how heavily armored and long they were. There was this French Tank Crew that kept talking crap about us and our country.

"Stupid pigs! Our food tastes better than what you can offer!" One of the tank crew shouted to me in French.

"Well, at least our food is not as bad as your mom's ass!" I shouted back in French as well. 

"At least we weren't the ones who suffered so much after the Great War!" They shouted in return.

"I'll bet you a million Francs that we could beat all of your asses in less than a few weeks!" I replied.

We kept talking crap about each other under fire. It was one of the stupidest things I've ever done in the middle of a battle, but certainly one of the best. My crew at the time just kept laughing at me while my commanding officer kept calling me an idiot. We eventually conquered France a few weeks later and almost the rest of western Europe. While checking on France, I manage to find the same tank crew that was talking crap about me and my country. They were in a POW (Prisoner of War) camp, just dangling by the fences. I walked up to them, smirking a bit.

"So where are those Francs?" I jokingly asked the tank crew. 

"I hate all of you," the tank commander of the crew said. 

I patted him on the head and said, "You can keep your money. I just wanted a good fight."

I extended my hand to give him a handshake, which he surprisingly shook my hand. And before I left the camp, he told me, "I'll see you again soon for another rematch." I looked back at him and chuckled. "If it would happen, then I'll be waiting," I told him. After that, I haven't heard of that crew since then, but it was one of my most memorable moments as a tank commander.

My crew continued laughing at all the jokes me and the french crew exchanged at the time. I just laughed with them as I told them the story. Finn was also laughing, which made me smile. At least he wasn't being bullied anymore. Not to mention the past four days of constant bullying from Schröder and Nicolaus. Everything fell silent again as we just finished our meals. 

"About that picture you have, Kommandantin..." Nicolaus said hesitantly. "Who were those people anyway?" He asked. 

I looked at him for a brief moment, then looked at the rest of my crew. "They were my previous crew, before you guys," I told them. 

"What happened to them?" Finn asked. 

At that moment, I was having flashbacks of Smolensk once again. Remembering the moment my previous tank got shot, up to it exploding with Magnus inside. I started to tremble again and I did not notice. I did not know how to answer the question. My trembling worsened the more I thought of it. Schröder then held my hand, which made me stop trembling.

"Are you okay?" He asked me. 

"J-Ja... I am fine..." I told him nervously. "I-i'm sorry but, I don't want to answer your question right now Finn..." I hesitantly added. 

My crew looked at me concerned. I did not want them to see me feeling weak or scared. I was their commander after all, and I have to look after them. I did make a promise to keep them safe. And that also means showing hiding THAT dark memory. 

"I'll tell all of you about it at a better time." I reassuringly told them as I grabbed my plate and set it aside. 

I was walking back to my tank when someone stopped me. It was the commander of Panzer 736. He greeted me and asked me how I was doing. I told him that the new crew was great, but he noticed that I was still trembling a bit.

"Is there anything wrong?" He asked me.

"Nein... it's just that..." I told him nervously.

"It's just that... what?" He replied.

"They asked me about my previous crew... I had flashbacks again and started trembling..." I nervously told him. 

He rubbed my cheeks and held my shoulder to comfort me. "It's alright. If you want to release some pressure, I'll be around." He reassuringly said as he hugged me.

I hugged him back tightly and buried my face to his chest. I was sobbing a bit because of the thought of my previous crew. Especially Magnus. I still couldn't get over it, but I knew I had to be tough for my crew. He (the tank commander) rubbed my back gently to help me ease up as I stopped sobbing and just hugged him. I finally let go and thanked him for caring so much for me. "Just like you said, 'Always look out for one another,'" he said to me. I smiled at him and he walked to the tents, patting my back before doing so.

I walked back to the tank and entered it. I closed my hatch and sat there quietly. I then grabbed the picture of my previous crew and hugged it tightly. "I miss all of you..." I said to myself as I sobbed a bit again. I knew times were tough, but I had to be strong. I just had to, but I cannot hide my feelings and pain from my new crew. I told them myself to be open to each other.

I hung the picture again and sat quietly in the tank. Nicolaus eventually entered the tank and checked on me. 

"Is everything alright, Kommandantin?" He asked me concerned.

"Ja. All is good." I replied.

"What are you doing here all by yourself?" He asked again. 

"Just remembering and reflecting on the good and bad times of my career," I answered. "And those stories you guys told me along the way to Kyiv," I jokingly added.