Need to Blame, Sinn.

Memoir of a Sinn

DISCLAIMER: All the names, characters, places, etc., are just a product of Author's idea. Everything that have any resemblances are just merely coincidental.

I wonder why God created a beautiful world still full of imperfections. If He just made it flawless and perfect, hindi na ako mamroblema sa buhay. No pain and mistakes. No drama. Hindi ako magiging ganito. Sana ganon na nalang.

But who am I to question God in every decision He made right? Everything has a purpose. I guess.

I grimaced upon reading what was written on the headline of newspaper — "CEO Alfredo Juarez Del Laña of AD Laña Construction Company died of heart attack."

Finally, after 6 years, justice has been served.

-

"Sinn, were you packed?" Tanong ni mama habang aligaga na naghahakot ng mga gamit ko sa cabinet.

"Ma, I still have a class for 2 months. Hindi pa naman bakasyon sa school. Why do I need to spend vacation too early at the mansion?" I asked.

Hindi naman ganto si mama eh. I don't know why she's so persistent of me living with Lola. I have a hunch that something's not right and she's so adamant on hiding it, especially from me.

For the past months, I've also noticed that my mother was acting different pero parang mas iba ngayon. Para siyang laging balisa and when I'm asking her what's wrong she always say, nothing and I let it all past. But not now when she keeps on pacing back and forth in front of me.

Nagsimula akong maglakad papalapit sakanya, then hold her shoulder at mukhang doon lang nya napansin na nakalapit na ako.

"Ma, are you okay? Is there a problem? You can tell me and I will help you if there's anyway I can." I said.

I was so worried about her. Keeping problems to yourself was not healthy. She knows that because she's been there already pero tinatago nya pa rin. Does mom knows that no man is an island?

I was so shocked when I felt mama's sudden tight embrace and heard her sobbed. This was the second time she cried in front of me and it could mean that something's not really right. I tapped her back, she needs to know that I am always here, we are always here for her she can always lean on.

"I- I am so scared.. Sinn." She spoke.

What? but why? and who? I got curious what really happened when I was away. I haven't been home for atleast three weeks because I attended seminar and also got along with my long time friends tapos pagkauwi ko ganito na si mama.

"Why are you scared? Did something happened when I was away?" I asked looking directly in her eyes. I caressed her cheeks just to wipe away those tears but I was stunned when I saw bruises!

What the really happened?! Hindi ko napansin dahil tinakpan pala nya ng concealer!

"Ano to ma?!" I freaked out.

"Bruises? bakit meron ka nito?!" I started to check on her neck pero inalis nya kaagad ang kamay ko! Then my eyes darted to her arms. God, bakit hindi ako nagtaka na nakalongsleeves sya kahit summer!

Just when I was about to roll her sleeves bigla syang lumayo sa akin. Naguguluhan na ako anong nangyayari! I looked at her my eyes pleading.

"Ma.. anong nangyari? Who did that to you? Bakit may mga ganito?! Please do tell! Ano bang nangyari?!" Naguguluhan kong sabi. She just maintain her distance while looking at me. Her eyes tells so much but her lips don't.

"Ma naman.." I pleaded.

"I-I, your uncle.." her voice trembled.

"Oh my God! he hurt you?!" gulat kong sabi.

"Sinn.." She said as tears began to fall on her eyes. My heart was pounding too fast. Natatakot ako. Kinakabahan ako sa kung ano ang maririnig ko.

"I-I was harassed.. Al-Alfredo..did things to me.."

Shit? He did what?! Shit! Hindi ako lumaking palamura pero, Tangina.

"Ma.." I couldn't say another word. I just went to my mother and hugged her tight as we broke into tears. Ah! Naiiyak ako sa galit, sa sakit na nararamdaman ni mama, sa sarili ko. Namari? Where's Namari?!

Fuck! How could someone- No, not just someone, he's a relative. How could he do that immoral thing to my mom?! Ah, hindi nga naman namin sya tunay na tiyuhin. Just some bastard in the family.

I just woke up and I don't know what to feel.

Masyadong masakit sa akin habang inaalala ang mga sinabi ni mama. She told me things that made me loathe him more and then we cried until we fell asleep.

I watched my mother as she was peacefully sleeping beside me. I touched her cheek and looked at her arms. This was the chance so I rolled up her sleeves and that's it. It made me tear up. again. Ang daming pasa!

God forbids but I would not accept any apology for this happened. Over my dead decaying body!

Masyadong marami ng napagdaanan si mama pero hindi pa ba sapat at nangyari pa to? She suffered a lot. She doesn't even deserved all of these. Is it because she can forgive easily? Ganon nalang ba yon?

Just because she's a soft hearted woman..

Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko. I was fighting hard to stifle my sob. I was whimpering my cries. Ang sakit lang para sa akin na anak tapos wala na naman akong nagawa para kay mama.

God, why does it have to be my family specifically mama to endure almost everything? Was the pain being cheated on by his husband not enough? Hindi pa ba sapat na sira na yung pamilya namin? Na hindi kami ang pinili ni papa? Kulang pa ba?!

And that Alfredo.. how could he do such things?! He look so kind in front of our family every time we have the chance to meet.

It's takes four fucking months. Tangina nya!

I grabbed my key and went out of my mother's room. I told Ate Sasha to cook so mama could eat when she wake up.

I didn't even bother to dressed up and went straight to where my audi was parked. As I revved the engine, I wiped my tears and picked up my phone when Namari called.

"Hi, Sinn!" she cheerfully said. "Namari, where are you?" I asked.

"At Lola's, why? Oh, punta kayo dito ni mama. We're having a family dinner."

I greeted my teeth. Really? It must be a good news then. "Packed your things, going to fetched you there in 20."

"Ha? Bakit?" nagtatakang tanong nya. "Lola wants me here and masaya dito. I don't want."

"Don't be stubborn. Just be ready, Namari." I said after I ended the call.

As I entered the manor. Lola enveloped me with her warm hug. "I missed you, Sinn! Susmaryosep! Bakit ngayon ka lang nagpakita ha? I was worried sick what happened to your seminar. I was about to ask our people to look at you."

I just smiled at her. "Everyone here, La?" I asked as we headed to the dining area.

"Yes. Ikaw nalang at si Maris ang wala. Thankfully, you came pero bakit hindi sumama ang mama mo?" Lola innocently asked.

My forehead creased. "She's.. resting. She needs to rest."

"Was she that tired?" Yes. Dahil nakakapagod maging parte ng pamilyang 'to.

I stopped. My eyes were fixated on someone.

There he is, so fucking happy while having a toast with my Uncles. Kinuyom ko ang kamao ko. Gusto kong manuntok.

"Yes." I answered Lola as I walked to his direction.

I will surely make this night be remembered and for the coming days. I would sue him and he will rot in jail and if not, I'll find another way to pay for what he have done.

I swear.

-

My phone beeped.

'Sinn, it's you they blamed.'

I grinned after I received the email.