Chatroom ━ ✰ Natasha Romanoff ✰

Chapter Two

Y/n has a girlfriend.

A girlfriend.

It feels rolling off of her tongue as she says it. Of course she hasn't told anyone, not even her friends, and especially not her parents. It was nice to have a little secret for once. Something that no one could intrude on. It's just her and Natasha and no one else.

Her lie wasn't a huge one, at least not in Y/n's eyes. It was not as bad as that time Cindy almost hooked up with a senior who lied to her and had a fiancé or something crazy like that. Natasha had no one, but Y/n of course. She didn't worry that her girlfriend might be dating someone else because Natasha assured her all the time that it's just her.

They still talk on Chatzy, but Natasha had convinced Y/n to get an AIM account. Over the summer she had to go to the local library to talk to Natasha on AIM.

One thing Y/n wish she did have was someone to guide her through this. To give her pointers and steps on how to be a good girlfriend. The advice from the magazines geared towards women and young adult women seemed cheesy and was mostly for girl's with boyfriends. Y/n never thought about liking girls before because she hasn't even thought about liking boys. Her parents shut down any thoughts of her getting wrapped up in romance and dating before she hit middle school. It always felt like something other girl's did but not her. Things are different now. And she didn't know how much it would hurt to be away from someone. When her parents moved her out of her freshman dorm, she cried before they even reached the family car.

"Oh honey, you'll see your friends again. It's just a few months that are going to go by in a flash."

Y/n had nodded as if she was crying for her friends. She considers Cindy and Amy as the sisters she wished had growing up as an only child, but she did not cry for them. Y/n knew that this was the closest she'll get to her mother consoling her over something related to a relationship. Not even a few days since leaving and she felt the pain and absence of Natasha. She wanted to feel the way she did when she had skipped a class to sneak away to the city again to meet Natasha all the time. It was like she was high on drugs, or maybe it was the adrenaline, but her heart had not felt alive in years, maybe even ever. They spent the day at the art museum, a Van Gogh exhibit was in town for the next few months. Y/n had never seen such expensive and beautiful things up close and this was a feeling that she could only associate with Natasha. Natasha had shown her things she had yet to discover and that just seemed so out of reach because of the parents she just so happened to be given by whatever source is hiding in the heavens.

Two months was too short to say I love you to someone, but Y/n thought it all the time. When she would talk to Natasha in her university's big library, her fingers would ghost over the letters that'd make her heart stop if she ever heard Natasha say it. However, she refrained because she didn't want to come off as clingy. No matter how many times Natasha told her that it was "cute" when she held her hand too tight or suggested they cuddled for the tenth time during their days together. There were a lot of insecurities that came with being in a relationship that Y/n didn't know existed.

Her parents have been married for two decades and her mother acts normal around her father now, but Y/n wonders if her mother ever had the same feelings that are festering for her over these hot summer days. Her grandmother was also strict, but she was ideologically different from Y/n's mother. She didn't marry until she finished college and had a job while Y/n's mother had gotten married at a considerably young age to Y/n's father. Her parents are never cuddly like her and Natasha are.

The summer was hard mostly because it was boring. If she had someone to hang out with or do something to occupy her mind then it wouldn't be so hard. Two of her friends from high school came back, but they did not come back the same girls they left as. They reminded her more of Cindy and Amy instead of being timid. Despite the new addition to her life, Natasha, Y/n felt like she didn't fit in with her old friends. Every time she opened her mouth to say something about this person who is now a part of her life, nothing came out. The fear that her friends would revert back to their old selves at her revelation was an irrational one, but it was a reflex to feel like everything would get back to her parents. If they found out she was dating someone, they'd probably not let her go back to Brecker and she'll have to go to the local community college.