A Terrible Mistake

XI

Eleven parts of this book. I don't even know how to describe it, I can't find a good word. The only thing I know is that it's the only thing that has kept me sane all this time, after everything that happened. The number eleven reminds me of Jonny, as well as the colour green. Luckily, here I don't see much green and there are not many elevens. 

I did turn myself in, and it was actually better than I expected it would be. I can't tell much about it because remembering that moment hurts a lot. All I can say is that I was sent back to the US and, surprisingly, my life isn't much worse than it was before. 

Most people here already knew who I am, and what I had done. Some ignore me, some are quite friendly and most are rude. The only thing I want right now is to end the pain. But how? I think there are many ways to do so, but only one will remove the pain completely. And I think it's quite obvious. 

I've been writing some songs, but I don't think they're worth mentioning. They're never coming out anyway. Something worth mentioning happened though; Guy came to visit me.

- Hello Guy.

- Hello Christopher - he answered in a strange way.

- I know we're not okay...

- Why would we be okay? - He interrupted. - After everything you made us go through. Are you even aware of what you have caused?

- How could I not be? I live with it every single day. I'm aware of what happened with the band after it happened.

- It's not just that, Christopher! Not only did you ruin everything we had all worked for, you destroyed the family we thought we had built. And Jonny's family too!

- I know what I did, Guy! I know I deserve all the hate in the world, I don't need you to remind me!

At this point we were both crying.

- Look - I continued. - I know I hurt you all, and I know you'll probably never forgive me, I won't ask you to. I don't want you to feel bad for me either, just...

I broke down and he left.

I know everyone was angry at me, but Guy was the one that showed it the most. That's why I'm not at all surprised with how the conversation turned out. After they noticed he approached me and looked at me. All I could see in his eyes was pain and anger. I just stood there, waiting for him to tell me everything he had to tell me, to yell at me, and to demand the reason for my attitude. I was prepared to stay quiet, because I didn't know what to say, I myself was surprised of how I had acted, I was surprised I was capable of doing what I did. He raised his fist and hit me, I was still shocked, so he did it one more time. Fortunately for me, Phil and Will were able to control him, they were undoubtedly no less angry than him, but they were thinking, unlike him. I kept standing there without saying a single word, I didn't even want to look back up, I didn't want to feel the fear and pain in their eyes. I could hear Phil and Will trying to calm him down, saying things like "Guy, come on, don't lose it!" or "Guy, we know you're angry, but stop!" And he didn't. He kept shouting at me, he still wanted to hit me. I was still shocked, I still didn't know what to say or do, I was waiting for him to calm down. When Guy seemed more relaxed, Phil proposed we had a conversation. 

- I'm angry too, okay? - he started. - I don't know what to think or do, I don't even know if this is just a horrible nightmare. And I wish it was, I wish it was just a nightmare, I wish I could just wake up from this. 

Will remained silent, Phil started crying and Guy was still very angry. I felt like I needed to say something, but I didn't know what to say. 

- I'm sorry guys. - I managed to answer. - I truly am. If you want to call the cops it's fine, if you want to, perhaps, kill me yourselves it's fine, I really don't mind. 

- We could kill you right now, - said Guy - but, why would we do that? We would be just like you. Besides, if we kill you, you wouldn't pay for what you did. So I will call the cops and I hope you  rot in jail and in hell. 

He called the police and told them everything that had happened. I was willing to pay for my mistake, but I suddenly felt the need to escape. So I did. I ran away from there. The rest is already written here. However, I don't remember much about when I was escaping, I just remember Guy shouting "He was our friend, why did you take him away from us!"

Hello my friends, I'm back! Thanks for reading, please vote if you liked it and let me know what you think. Also, this thing is going to be over soon (about two more chapters). I'll try to update as much as possible, but, you know, life. Take care!