Stories by a Depressed Nihilist

The Favorite

Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse

The Favorite
With my bows and rainbow shoes I skip home from school
A smile sprinkled on my pale face
Freckles pasted on my button nose
Shoes tied sloppily and socks mismatching
My daddy loved me
His kind words and gentle touch made me feel like enough
He fed me and clothed me with a smile
I always knew I was his favorite because I was daddy's little girl

I trusted him more than anyone until he touched me in a spot I hadn't even touched myself
His kind words became angry with time
His gentle touch became inappropriate
I was no longer his little girl I became his sanctuary
Unloved and sad, he abused me because he could
Angry and vengeful, he abused me because he could
Hurt and depressed, he abused me because he could

The bows were replaced with bangs and black hair
The rainbow shoes were thrown out and black platforms were put in their place
The freckles faded as the sun became a stranger
My pale skin stayed pale and dirty
Dirty from him tickling me. Dirty from him bathing me. Dirty from his touch
I didn't even know it was abuse because that is taboo
Little girls aren't taught what to do when a man touches them
And men don't want to teach them because then they wouldn't be able to use us like toys
They wouldn't be able to break us down and manipulate us into bending at any opportunity we give them
Trust broken and sex traumatizing
Letting others treat me poorly became a common occurrence
My body was never my own so why would my mind be too?
Void of any thoughts of happiness was normal for me
My walls caving in as the door was locked
The bathroom was an escape because no one bothers me in there
Paranoid he was watching I kept my distance
My life doomed from the start, just my chance