Dear Nobody

I have often tried to find some explanation on why mom won't talk to me, and unless there is something I've done wrong I only have a few explanations. The first one was that she simply hates children and never wanted to be a mother, but this is now proven wrong by the way she is treating Michael's kids. Another one was that she didn't want me when I was a baby and when I got older she felt like it was too late to connect to me, but I have tried to connect with her so then it doesn't make sense that she wouldn't respond. The last explanation and the one that I always found most reasonable was that it had to do with my dad. I have no idea who my dad is or how he knew my mom, grandma never talked about it and I have found no photos or letters from him to mom or me. To me, it's like he never existed, but it is obviously different to mom. I think he was either mom's prince in shining armour or the evil wizard holding her captive, and when he disappeared, to a land far, far away he left her only with painful memories and a bun in the oven. What she said Friday night confirmed that the pain my father caused, when he left or when he was with her is what made it impossible for her to love me.

After an uneventful weekend it was time for me to go back to school. The building rose before me in all its hellish glory, the light red brick walls looked just like those of a prison but with more windows. The school that gives me nightmares of loneliness, but at the same time offers me an escape from my even lonelier home life. Now I was there.

I stopped by a tree where I parked my bike and collected my thoughts with some deep breaths before joining the stream of people entering the main building. I walked down hallway after hallway searching for my locker at first, and once I had found that, my new homeroom classroom had to be hunted down. At last I found it and took one last breath before going in.

My homeroom teacher last year, Mr. Tanner, was a really nice guy who helped me alot. I will never forget how he told me I could send in my first few presentations in written form instead of presenting them to the class, or him alone which he also offered. Anyone who met him could see how dedicated a teacher he was, you could almost smell it. I looked forward to learning from him this year too. But when I entered the classroom he wasn't there yet, he would always be there in good time. I tried not to be too worried about it and took my favorit seat in the back of the classroom next to the window. I could see the whole room from here. Watching the students enter and pick seats far away from mine and close to each other. Kristin and Esther came in with their friend Angie, like the true ruling trio of the school, with Kristin as their queen, taking the seats right in the center of the classroom. Nathan came in soon after them, he watched them gossip and laugh with his eyes showing love when he looked at Kristin. I had seen that look so many times, every time he looked at her in fact but she would never notice. She left his feelings boiling under a lid, maybe forever if he doesn't tire. He took a seat one table away from me, in the far back where he could see her but she couldn't see him. The last bell rang, with no Mr.Tanner and a few empty seats. I was staring at the door waiting for my favorite teacher to come in, everyone else was taking advantage of the time to chat and catch up with each other. Then the door opened, and one last student came in. A girl with dyed black hair, dark makeup and ripped clothes with big, black boots. She didn't attend school much last year but everyone knew who she was, Opal York. The girl who used to be the third part of mine and Kristin's friend group. Maybe you wouldn't call three people a group, but for me two other people are an army. Towards the end of our friendship Opal started acting up, smoking and skipping classes, and when summer came she got arrested for drug use. I sometimes wonder if Kristin would have changed if she hadn't. The whole classroom had gone silent when she came in, then everyone started whispering. She looked around the classroom and rested her gaze in my direction. I was half expecting her to talk to me, but was not at all surprised when she just took the last seat in the back row, right next to me.