Jilliannes pov
March 3
Nothing new happens. I mean kick, punch, shove, push, listening to those hurtful words, cut then repeat. Same damn cycle almost every day.
Why am I not gone yet? No one will miss me. I could jump off the bridge in the forest at the back of the school. They wouldn't know I'm missing till after a few days. No one will probably even notice I'm gone.
But I don't know. there's something there that keeps me going. something that tells me I shouldn't go. but I still have my doubts. I haven't cut so so deep to the point where I'm dead. Just enough that sometimes I may faint.
I got out of bed. I took a short shower, and wrapped the towel around myself. I had just picked out a black long sleeved shirt and a pair of skinny jeans. I still had bags under my eyes so I covered them up.
I didn't wear girly things like other girls at school. The girls were slutty. If they wore skirts, it would be above their butts. If they wore shorts, it would be up their butts.
If I wanted to or not I wouldn't have the right body for it. I'm fat and ugly. Why bother?
I went downstairs and I still grabbed something off the counter. I got a muffin and got my keys off the side of the table and went out towards my car. I drove to school.
I parked my car and took a breath and got out. I already earned looks from people. I haven't seen my bullies any where yet. Well I guess I spoke too soon. they were near the entrance. I avoided eye contact but I guess I still caught their eyes.
"Hey loser" they all said once I tried reaching the doors. they pulled me back and pushed me up against the door. one slapped me, the other kicked me down, the other stepped on my left arm. I winced in pain because of the fresh cuts from not too long ago.
They laughed and left me there on the ground. the bell rang and at least I had enough strength to pick myself up. I held on to my stomach as I limped through the halls.
everyone laughed and I mean everyone. I only actually ever had one friend since grade 8. I don't know but she always stuck around. Even when I try to push them all away.
I kept hearing 'slut' 'whore' 'bitch' 'fatty' or 'kill yourself' from people whispering to their friends. I sigh and walk to my locker.
I grab my books for first period which I was already late for.
But first I headed towards the washroom. I checked my face and there was a red mark on my left cheek.
I flipped my hair to the other side. then walked out.
I walked into class everyone glanced up at me. " miss. De Leon why are you late?" Our teacher asked me. I ignored it and went to my seat. Everyone watched my every move as I took my seat. I sat all the way in the back corner.
I didn't even pay attention to what the teacher was saying. I just watched the clock as the seconds passed by. then the bell rung I tried to get out first. so I bolted up and out of the class room.
I walked to my locker but before I reached it I was shoved against the other lockers. I looked up to see my bullies. they left me there as they laughed I got up and put in my code to my locker. I went to the bathroom and I skipped home room. it was only 35 minutes.
I ran to the washrooms and locked myself into the far stall. I shed a few tears and thought. what happened between us? When I say us I mean the bullies. I was best friends with them. well a few of them.
we were great friends honestly. we would sleep over at each other's houses, go different places together, have so many adventures. then all of sudden it's like my world just went down as to the first time the blade touched my wrist.
I didn't deserve this. if I liked it or not. I will not forgive them. I made a promise to myself that I won't let people in that easily. I have my guard up and I'm not putting it down. I've learned that I can't trust people the way I used to trust people before.
The people that bullied me? They did this. they caused these scars, the painful memories, the starvation, the nightmares, the monsters in my mind. they've done it all. the thing is they were once my best friends.
