𝚅𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎 𝙷𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚛 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜 <3

idfc

idfc- blackbear (acoustic)

Tw: alcohol/drinking, fighting, aggressiveness ect.

Y/ns P.O.V
one shot
a shot, for all the problems.

second shot
a shot, for the fights

third shot
a shot, for the sleepless nights.

fourth shot
another shot, for the stressful days.

I'm at the bar with two of my best friends, we decided to have a "girls night out" since we all needed one.

In reality, they just felt like getting drunk, while I'm drinking to distract myself.

They're out, probably dancing on some random dudes on the dance floor of this club, while I'm sitting at the bar alone, thinking thinking of why, why i can't be good enough.

good enough for him, for vinnie.

We've been dating for over a year now, we've spent an endless amount of time together.

Maybe he was just tired of spending all this time with me? Maybe he's tired of me? Who knows...

This is probably the worst way to spend the night time with your friends.

I hadn't even planned originally on coming tonight, but it hit 10pm, and I had to get myself out of my house. Away from that energy. So I just got up and went, without saying a word.

We've been doing nothing but fighting. Yelling, screaming, crying, being unfair towards one another. Sometimes over the stupidest things.

We're both stressed, and taking it out on one another, and we have been for the last two weeks or so. Honestly we're doing terrible. And I'm scared, that soon he's going to give up, and leave.

And that terrifies me.

He's everything I have, the love of my life, and I don't want to be without him.

But I feel like I'm just counting down days.

"Tell me pretty lies, look me in the face. Tell me that you love me, even if it's fake."

Wish he could just lie to me. Tell me he's happy. Tell me he isn't upset with me. But he can't.

I wish we could fake it. I wish we could reassure eachother, but we can't, it wouldn't be real.

"I don't fucking care"

I want to say I don't care, I wish I could act like I don't care and that its not affecting me- but I would be lying.

This is affecting me worse than almost anything has.

He gets mad at work, and comes to me and gets mad at me over something not worth fighting about-boom- we're in a huge fight.

I'm frustrated with work or school, I got to him, and I take it out on him, acting like anything and everything is his fault, when in reality, I'm angry at the world-but taking it out on him.

And he's doing the same to me.

Its unhealthy. And we both know it is.

The things I would do right now to go home, cuddled up with him and watch a movie, and then fall asleep in his arms.

But I can't. I'd much rather be with him right now. Instead, I'm at a bar getting shit faced.

fifth shot; I gulp it down, the gross, poisonous feeling going down my throat.

I put the shot glass down, deciding its time to cut myself off.

I'm a lightweight, anything more and I might end up blacking out tonight.